Financial wellness is a topic that perpetuates different feelings for a diverse set of people. Most people lean into the general definition of financial wellness where being financially well is equivalent to accumulating abundant wealth, a robust bank account, or investments that contribute toward early retirement. However, financial wellness means more than the status quo. It’s mainly about understanding, managing, and using money in a way that best serves one’s life goals. It’s about the emotional attachments that we have learned throughout time, especially from our environment, that have influenced out relationship with money.
Regarding financial wellness, emotional attachments can be seen as the attachment styles we develop with money. It also involves exploring your past experiences in learning about money, especially with our role models. Our role models are huge contributors to the adaptive perspective we may have about our own life goals. In the realm of parenting, how we approach money and teach our children about it plays a crucial role in both our well-being and theirs (essentially ours in adulthood!). This blog will explore the layers of environmental influences on how it build one’s perspective of financial wellness. This blog will delve into attachments to money and how this relationship with money can contribute to maladaptive or adaptive perceptions of being financially well.
Attachment Theory and Money
Before we delve into the relationship between money and emotional attachments, let’s define the educational background behind attachment theory itself. Originating from the work of John Bowlby, the theory highlights the significance of early relationships in shaping our adult lives. Essentially, the kinds of relationship patterns/styles that we have learned from our role models, most of the time, our primary caregivers. These patterns not only influence our interpersonal relationships but also our relationship with money.
Attachment Styles
Secure attachment includes individuals who feel secure, safe, valued, and understood in their relationships. Feeling safe and secure could also mean more emotional regulation skills that lead them to feel secure with themselves and with others. The financial impact of learning secure attachment is that this foundational sense of security can allow folx to approach financial matters with confidence. Folx with secure attachments are likely to make more informed decisions, knowing that they can adapt to changes.
Anxious attachment includes folx who present with more anxiety and over-concern about relationships, fearing abandonment. The financial impact of learning from an anxious attachment parent may lead to individuals displaying financial behaviors driven by anxiety, such as overspending, impulsive shopping and spending, seeking validation or excessive saving out of fear of future scarcity. Some folx with this attachment often find themselves in states of panic when it comes to defining financial wellness. Decision fatigue can be a huge struggle for these individuals and can impede their ability to make secure financial decisions.
Avoidant attachment includes individuals who maintain emotional distance, avoiding closeness or dependency. The financial impacts of this can look like avoidance of delving deep into financial planning or resisting seeking help even when needed. People with avoidant attachment often refer to financial autonomy as a strength, but it is at the risk of missing out on valuable advice or growth opportunities.
Disorganized attachment includes a mix of anxious and avoidant behaviors. These individuals often display inconsistent patterns in relationships. Their financial behaviors might be erratic, fluctuating between overspending and over-saving, often driven by underlying emotional triggers.
Recognizing your attachment style is the first step towards improving your relationship with money. By understanding your innate coping mechanisms, you can work towards refining them.
Coping with Your Financial-Emotional Barriers
One’s relationship with money is developed from the observations of relationship patterns that you noticed as a young child. For example, you might have noticed your anxious attached parents accumulated credit card debt and overspending habits since you were a child. In your adulthood, it makes sense as to why you would naturally gravitate towards anxious attached behaviors when it comes to your relationship with money. This relationship was all you knew at the time! You have only learned to manage money in an anxious attached way, and being able to build resilience with money management (or learning more secure attachment money management behaviors) will take time.
Read more about the connection between attachment styles and money here.
Track Patterns
Be mindful of tracking your relationship patterns. Give yourself a month of noticing and observing your relationship patterns. Are you more anxious attached? Avoidant? How do you notice this impacts your spending or saving habits? What emotions come up for you when you think about financial wellness? Become curious about your current relationship with money.
Have Self-Compassion
The relationship patterns that you have developed come from a time in your life when you have unconsciously adapted to what worked for you at that time. When we are still learning developmentally, especially at young ages, we have no choice but to believe what we’re experiencing in those moments. The best that you can do now is practice granting yourself some compassion for learning about what you need in the here and now. These needs include rebuilding your outlook on money and wellness. Validate your experience and empathize with your younger and adult self.
Practice Mindfulness
Financial wellness is not only about tangible numbers like having a good salary or investing in stocks. It is also about exploring and navigating proactive means of balance. Notice other aspects of your life that feel out of control or aspects of your life that feel more anxious/avoidant/disorganized than secure. Explore different ways to achieve balance in your life whether it be through your work, within your body, or your physical health (i.e. better sleep, balanced diet, etc). Practice giving yourself permission to change by exploring being proactive, and less reactive.
Seek Help
Allow yourself to seek help. In any attachment style that you resonate with the most, all can benefit from seeking professional help. Some resources can include financial counseling, therapy, or even hiring bookkeepers to mindfully notice how you are helping yourself with the help from others. From receiving help, you may learn to:
- identify triggers
- nurture problem-solving skills
- boundary settings
- set realistic financial goals
- cultivate consistent financial habits
Read more about nurturing financial wellness here.
Mental Health and Financial Wellness
Ultimately, exploring your relationship with money can pave the way for you to learn more about how to cope with reactive financial feelings and lead to better financial well-being. Financial wellness is a journey deeply intertwined with our past experiences, particularly the attachment styles that we have been exposed to. Recognizing the roots of our financial beliefs and behaviors can be a transformative step in reshaping your relationship with money, and your financial future. Embracing introspection, change, education, and therapeutic interventions can help align your financial practices with fostering genuine financial well-being.
Are you interested in exploring financial wellness in psychotherapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!
How are you redefining your relationship with money? Join in the conversation in the comments below!
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