Bring Self-Compassion into Mindfulness [Transcript]
In this blog, I will be discussing how safety, connection, and self-compassion can deeply support mindfulness practices.
Common challenges during mindfulness practices
Practitioners of mindfulness often report wandering minds, feelings of anxiety, boredom, or fatigue. Minds often wander to the past, regrets, potential problems, or hopes and plans for the future. Why is it so hard to do something as simple as sitting still and being mindful, even for a short period of time?
These distractions can be viewed through an evolutionary perspective. We have a highly developed threat system. This includes a strong emphasis on problems, potential dangers, and plans for safety. This system is also associated with self-criticism. Our exquisite sensitivity to potential danger has had evolutionary advantages but, in many contexts of modern life, is limiting and problematic.
Read more: The Everyday Benefits of Mindfulness
Utilizing the care system
What can we do about all this interference as we attempt mindfulness practices? How can we remain in the present, rather than get caught up in the past or the future? Luckily, we have another highly evolved way of organizing, referred to as our care system. Our care system is associated with feelings of safety and connection and is active when we nurture others. When we feel safe and connected, we are more likely to feel pleasure, curiosity, intuition, flexibility, creativity, and abundance. These are ideal conditions for growth and learning, including the practice of mindfulness.
The role of self-compassion
How might we access this enormous potential? How might we emphasize feelings of safety and connection during mindfulness practices? Increasingly, self-compassion is being regarded as a powerful point of entry.
What does self-compassion even mean? It is deceptively simple. Self-compassion is treating oneself with profound kindness. This is the type of kindness we may offer to loved ones while we’re at our best. It is characterized by being tender and curious, without criticism or demands to be different. Self-compassion is a profound attunement offered to oneself, as both observer and observed.
Because compassion is something we so rarely offer to ourselves, it requires very clear intention. Utilizing self-compassion has repeatedly been shown to increase well-being in its practitioners. In the context of mindfulness, self-compassion can increase feelings of connection and safety that deeply support the work.
If you are interested in learning more about mindfulness practices, I run a Meditation and Mindfulness Group that meets on the first Saturday of each month at myTherapyNYC. The group includes both experiential practices and group processing. We would love to see you there.
What conditions help you to get the most out of meditation? Leave your answer in the comments below!
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4 comments
This is such a helpful video blog, Zachary! I know for myself (and a lot of people I know), meditation can feel frustrating when it feels like I’m not doing it right. Your emphasis on self-compassion is a great way to reframe this experience. I am very much looking forward to your upcoming webinar this month! For me, I also like to have some kind of sound to accompany meditation, as I have had wonderful experiences attending meditative sound baths. Thanks again for this post!
I was already looking forward to your webinar on mindfulness and this post has me even more excited. I love the way you draw on concepts like the care system and self-compassion to help people experience meditation in a different way. I know that I generally have a better time with meditation when I go easy on myself and accept what happens. Thanks again for putting this video together, Zachary!
What a wonderful video! The biggest challenge for me is to keep my focus while meditating as well as making time for it. However, I’ve learned that meditating in a group helps me to focus and motivates me to meditate.
I really appreciate this blog, Zachary! Many of my clients feel that they “should” meditate more often or “better” – and I can relate! – and this blog is such a helpful re-frame. I love the idea of approaching meditation with self-compassion.