All members of the LGBTQ+ community have experienced some form of oppression, either directly or indirectly, related to their sexuality. The messages we in the community receive from society, family, religion, etc. about being “different,” “wrong,” “bad,” or “sinful” can have negative impacts on our wellbeing. What is internalized homophobia? Well, for members of the LGBTQ+ community, the consequences of oppression and the messages received can lead to shame and self-judgment.
“What is this self inside us, this silent observer,
Severe and speechless critic, who can terrorize us
And urge us on to futile activity,
And in the end, Judge us still more severely,
For the errors into which his own reproaches drove us?”
-T.S. Eliot, The Elder Statesmen.
What is internalized homophobia?
Have you ever had to keep your sexuality a secret from anybody because revealing it was unsafe? Did you ever have to deny your sexuality? Or have you actively convinced yourself and others that you were attracted to a member of the opposite sex?
Internalized homophobia has been defined as “the self-hatred that occurs as a result of being a socially stigmatized person”. It can also be defined as the unconscious negative imagery. This becomes the lens through which gays and lesbians see each other and themselves. Through this lens, shame accompanies the development of our sexual identity, the forming of our personal relationships, and how we define and express ourselves in our world.
Read more: Overcoming Gay Shame and Living Authentically
Where does internalized homophobia come from?
Intolerance and homophobia from those closest to us, as well as the oppressive nature of our society towards the LGBTQ+ community, can have a severe negative impact on LGBTQ+ individuals. Those of us who are LGBTQ+ are born into and grow up in a society that defines what is “normal” and “right” or “wrong” when it comes to human sexuality. These norms are interwoven into and reinforced by our education system, government laws and policies, popular culture, places of worship, and the health care system.
Heteronormativity is the belief that heterosexuality is the only “acceptable” sexual orientation. It is also predicated on the gender binary and more traditional male and female gender roles. At an early age, LGBTQ+ individuals receive a message that we may be “less than,” even before we have identified and named what our sexuality is. Even silence and indifference can be damaging. A lacking communication of acceptance is the same as communicating non-acceptance. This can reinforce and confirm the feelings associated with being “less than.” These are the roots of internalized homophobia.
What are some outcomes of internalized homophobia?
Studies have linked living in a homophobic environment and the resulting internalized homophobia with negative effects on physical and mental health. These effects include an increase in the stress hormone cortisol and in symptoms of anxiety, depression, and suicidal ideation and planning. Suicide rates are much higher for LGBTQ+ youth than their heterosexual peers. Homophobia also leads to bullying.
For LGBTQ+ adults, the physical and emotional consequences of homophobia may also contribute to self-esteem issues, anxiety, depression, etc. If we have to live in secret, be dishonest with ourselves, or learn to act as if we are heterosexual, then we have detached from our authentic selves.
Read more: 5 Ways Gay Men Compensate
Internalized homophobia also has negative outcomes in our intimate relationships. Some examples may include:
- Loneliness, isolation
- Lack of emotional connection with a partner
- Secrecy and dishonesty in relationships with an intimate partner
- Negative self-view with friends and partners
- Avoidance of people and situations
- Toxic shame about sexual experiences
- Horizontal Oppression
How can we overcome internalized homophobia?
Thankfully, we can overcome internalized homophobia. First, we need to listen to our emotions. Do you notice any guilt, shame, or thoughts that you are not good enough? Do you notice any anger? Fear? What’s coming up for you? If you are experiencing suicidal ideation, depression, or anxiety, finding an LGBTQ+ therapist can be helpful or even lifesaving.
Other ideas include finding a support network – friends, groups, political or athletic communities, family members, etc. who are supportive, encouraging, and accepting of who you are. Or educate yourself about the history of the LGBTQ+ community, the oppression against the community, and ways the LGBTQ+ community are coming together to combat homophobia. Also, practice empathy and compassion for your younger self who experienced being “less than.” Show some love and acceptance for your present self. One suggestion is to look in the mirror and say “I love you!”
Internalized homophobia is the direct result of the oppression and mistreatment of LGBTQ+ individuals in our society. It is through this oppressive lens that we see ourselves and experience the shame in the belief that we are not “normal.” Luckily, it is possible to overcome internalized homophobia, practice self-acceptance, and be our true selves.
Check out our LGBTQ services and connect with one of our therapists!
Has internalized homophobia impacted your life? If so, have you taken some steps to overcome it? Join the conversation in the comments below!
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7 comments
Thanks for writing about this, Don! Internalized homophobia shows up in lots of ways that are not always so obvious. I love how you identify those ways and then give some tips on how to overcome it. I know for me it has been important to notice the ways I may judge myself and to understand the connections of that to some of the messaging I’ve received about being gay. Thanks again for addressing this important topic!
Thank you, Weston. Thank you for sharing your experience and I can relate to that self judgment and having to take a step back and reflect and make connections to its origin. I’m thankful that we have this space to explore it and have courage to look inside and discover that there is absolutely, positively nothing to judge.
Thank you for this blog, Don. “Internalized homophobia is the direct result of the oppression and mistreatment of LGBTQ+ individuals in our society,” really hit me. This is a clear and powerful exploration of why internalized homophobia exists and what we can do about it.
Thank you, Lisa, for sharing!
Great blog, Don! Thanks for writing on this issue. I appreciate the way you explained what internalized homophobia is and the suggestions you offered on how to address it. I imaging that this blog will help many people start to heal from their fear. Talking about this is so powerful! Thank you!
Hi Don! This is such a great blog with really important information. I loved that quote you included in the beginning of the blog by T.S Eliot, I feel like it was a great opening to the rest of the blog. I really appreciate your explanations of terms that are not commonly used as well. I learned a lot, thank you!
Don,
Thank you for this blog post on a very important subject. Too often I believe this can be overlooked in the LGBTQ+ community, and have very damaging effects. You beautifully highlighted some of the negative implications of internalized homophobia, and shared some really helpful ways to overcoming the shame.