5 Skills That Lead to Positive Parenting

Building a positive and productive relationship with your child is a lifelong journey filled with joy, challenges, and growth. As parents, we play a crucial role in shaping our children’s lives and helping them become confident, capable individuals. There is no shortage of “tools” one can find on the internet about best parenting practices and techniques. With all of that information, navigating what is best for your family and your child can be difficult. As a new parent myself and a practicing psychotherapist, this is where I come in. I have combined the most helpful positive parenting tips into five main categories. These techniques will help you to create the best foundation for an emotionally intelligent dynamic for your family. 

Making Expectations Clear

Children thrive when they have clear guidelines and understand what we expect of them. Clearly communicating your expectations and rules, while also considering their age and developmental stage, will provide the foundation for a healthy, strong bond with your child. By setting reasonable and consistent expectations, you provide a structure that helps children feel secure and have a feeling of safety in the knowledge of what you expect. Positive language for setting boundaries looks like reframing what you don’t want them to do to something that you would like them to do. For example, you could reframe “don’t hit” as “touch gently.” 

Make an effort to openly discuss rules, consequences, and rewards. Encourage your child to also openly communicate when they need support or clarification on boundaries. Allowing the space for this clarity promotes a sense of responsibility and accountability in your child’s behavior. 

Be Consistent and Reliable

Another important positive parenting technique is consistency. Children rely on routines and consistency to feel secure and to develop a sense of trust. Establish consistent routines in daily activities such as mealtimes, bedtimes, homework, etc. This also extends to discipline and boundaries. When you follow through with consequences or rewards consistently, children learn to trust that your words have meaning and can be relied on. This repetition provides emotional stability and helps build a strong foundation for their overall development. 

Showing Affection and Appreciation

Love, affection, and appreciation are essential for nurturing a positive parent-child relationship. Human beings, regardless of age, have an inherent need for physical touch and emotional connection. Hugging your child, holding their hand, giving kisses, and expressing your love verbally all set the foundation for a strong bond and emotional intelligence. In addition to affection, make it a habit to show appreciation for your child’s efforts, accomplishments, and positive behaviors. Recognizing and acknowledging their strengths and achievements foster their self-esteem, confidence, and overall wellbeing. Try looking at your child through the lens of what you need as an adult, or perhaps what you were lacking in your childhood. This can help you understand the significance of affection and appreciation in their lives. 

Another important aspect of showing affection and appreciation is modeling it for your child. Our children soak in everything that they see us do from the way we look in the mirror to the way we speak to ourselves and our partners. I know that self-love is an ever-evolving journey, but the ability to show oneself affection and appreciation will also translate into how your child can love and appreciate themselves. 

Read more about body-positive parenting here.

Seek to Understand Your Child

Children experience a myriad of emotions and challenges, often without being able to completely understand them. It is our responsibility as parents to create a safe and supportive environment where they feel heard and understood. Taking the time to actively listen to your child and showing genuine interest in their thoughts, feelings, and experiences, is vital to understanding their perspective and needs. You should validate their emotions and empathize with their struggles even if they seem trivial to you. 

It is important to remember that children have not had the experiences, wins, and losses that an adult has had. Telling your child that they should not have the emotions they do when they feel overwhelmed and stressed is the same thing as someone you love or admire telling you your thoughts or feelings are ridiculous. That feels awful and may cause someone to retreat into themself and question the world as they see it. This is an awful feeling. By fostering open and empathetic communication, you build trust and strengthen the bond between you and your child. This sense of security and understanding helps children navigate their emotions and develop healthy coping mechanisms. 

Encourage Curiosity Independence and Personal Development

Every child has a natural curiosity and a desire to explore the world around them. Encourage and nurture this curiosity by providing opportunities for them to learn and discover new things. Support their interests and hobbies and provide them with resources and experiences that stimulate their intellectual and creative growth. Foster independence by gradually giving them age-appropriate responsibilities and encouraging them to make decisions and solve problems on their own. Celebrate their achievements and encourage a growth mindset, emphasizing the value of effort and resilience. By nurturing their curiosity, independence, and personal development, you empower your child to become a confident, self-motivated individual. 

Building a productive and positive relationship with your child requires a combination of clear expectations, consistency, affection, understanding, and encouragement for personal growth. By implementing these five parenting skills, you can create a nurturing environment that supports your child’s emotional well-being, fosters growth, and strengthens the bond you share. Though that is typically looked at as new parenting advice, these tips can be used for any parent with children at any developmental stage. 

Keep in mind that these tools are meant for an outline of what works for your child and your family. Take what you read and make it your own. We as parents should not be looking for perfection, it is not possible or preferred. Perhaps one of the best things a parent can do is allow their child to see that they also make mistakes and that is a part of life. However, it is not the mistake that should be the focus, but rather how we engage in the rupture and repair process. Modeling this for your child, if nothing else, is the best thing one can do, of course with the appropriate coping tools. 

Remember, every child is unique, and adapting these skills to their individual needs will ensure a more fulfilling and rewarding parenting life. 

Are you interested in exploring how to expand your positive parenting skills? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!

How have you incorporated these skills into your parenting? Join the conversation in the comments below!