New York City is the most populated city in the United States, and at the same time, it can be a very lonely place. Gay men from all over the country flock to New York to pursue careers and dreams that just don’t exist anywhere else. But, what happens when these men find themselves craving meaningful connections with other men in the big city? Where does one find the people they can open up to and form lifelong bonds with? Read more to learn how to make friends in NYC as a gay man.
How to Make Friends in NYC as a Gay Man?
With so many different neighborhoods and activities in this city, it can seem impossible to find your tribe, however, there is a formula for friendship. According to Dr. Jack Schafer in order to make friends all one needs is the combination of Proximity + Frequency + Duration + Intensity. These elements combined helps you to make friends. Check out the list below for places and activities that apply this formula for tips on how to make friends in the Big Apple.
Sports Leagues
Joining a league has all the elements needed for building and maintaining friendships. Teams meet frequently, for set periods of time and are pursuing a common goal, which can be very intense depending on the level of competition. Even if you are not particularly athletic, sports leagues can provide the social bridge to meet new people. There are leagues for almost every sport imaginable in New York including, basketball, bowling, rugby, football, dodgeball, swimming, running and many more. You can join for one season to see if you like it or keep coming back to solidify new friendships. It is also an activity that people can join alone because in most cases you are assigned to a team.
Meetup.com
Ok, so sports aren’t for everyone. Another great way to meet and connect with gay men in New York is through www.meetup.com. Meetup has something for literally everyone. Like wine? Meetup has gay wine tasting groups that meet a few times a month. Like art but don’t have anyone to go see it with? Meetup has gay walking tours of museums and gallery districts in New York and Brooklyn. Like a niche comic book series focused on a little-known character? Meetup has an all-queer roundtable hosted once a month at a library in Greenwich Village. If you can think of it, it exists on Meetup. If by some chance it doesn’t exist you can create your own Meetup!
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Book Clubs
Another great way to meet and connect to gay men in the city is book clubs. They too have all the elements needed for friendship. Men can bond over what books they are reading and how they relate those stories to their own lives. Many gay book clubs exclusively read gay literature to further connect and understand the gay community. Gay book clubs can be found on Meetup.com or Readerscircle.
Bars and Clubs
Before apps and technology took over everyone’s lives people would meet by going out. Bars and clubs can be intimidating and anxiety producing spaces but they can also be a great place to meet people. It can be hard to go alone, but if you apply the formula and go frequently it can be a chance to meet and bond with other men. Themed nights can be especially helpful, like viewing parties for popular TV shows. This adds guaranteed frequency and duration, as well as the intense experience of seeing who gets eliminated next.
New York City can be a big and scary place, but it doesn’t have to be. Learning how to make friends in NYC doesn’t need to be difficult. Pushing through discomfort and anxiety to meet new people can be an incredibly rewarding experience. Being vulnerable is the key in all of these experiences to foster connection. The city can transform into a completely different place when you have friends to share it with. Try some of the activities above and see what works for you. New York City is full of other gay men looking for friends, there is no reason they can’t be yours.
Do you want to connect with other gay men about their experiences? At myTherapyNYC, we have ongoing Gay Men’s Therapy Groups that you may be interested in joining. Learn more here!
How do you make friends in the city? Share your tips below!
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8 comments
Love this blog! So many good ideas and tips for making friends in New York City.
These are great tips—and they work! I joined a gay book club several years ago and am still friends with other members. Dr. Schafer’s criteria make a lot of sense and helps build confidence around why putting yourself out there is worthwhile. Thanks for this, Ryan!
This a great way for us to celebrate pride month! New York can feel like a lonely place at times, it’s good to know about these tips on how to make friends in this big city of ours.
A great blog where all this points are very user friendly and approachable!
Great ideas! I love that you added non-drinking tips. Playing sports and a book club have been really helpful for me to meet new people in NYC.
I really appreciate the concrete suggestions in this blog. NYC can feel very overwhelming socially, and these tips really offer some realistic tips that can make a difference.
Awesome blog, Ryan! I totally agree with you, making friends in NYC as a gay man can be very challenging. Thanks for offering the great suggestions outlined in your blog. I particularly like meetup.com as it truly has something for everyone. Thanks for putting this information out!
Very practical guide. I am going to share this on my NYCGAYBros subreddit. Oftentimes it’s so easy to get lost in all of the options NYC offers. My first year here was overwhelming, I didn’t make any friends at all. Things changed in year 2. Finding a group of friends always helps.. Grindr most certainly will make your problems worse.
If you are looking for a community, give this a go. Its a discord based chat community.. It’s small and there are regular meet-ups to connect the offline with online https://NYCGaybros.com