Five Dating Red Flags [Transcript]
Hindsight is 20/20. It is easy to identify problems in a relationship after break-up. You might ask yourself, ‘how did I not see that coming?’ So with that in mind, I’ve gathered five top dating red flags that might help you out.
Not valuing your time
This is really an issue of respect. This is the person who arrives late to your dates or takes days to respond to your text messages. This is really a lack of consideration, and underneath it might be resentment, a need to be in control, or basic sense of pessimism about the ability to find love. These signs might seem small at first, but they add up to something larger. These are warning signs that this person might not be a good fit for you.
Being rude to the waitstaff
This is another huge issue of respect.When you are on a date with somebody, you get a chance to see how they relate to other people. If they are being rude, dismissive, arrogant or condescending to the waitstaff, that could indicate that there is probably some feeling of insecurity. If they are being negative towards other people, eventually they are going to be negative to you. This is something that you might want to look out for. Also, if they don’t tip your bartender, forget about it; that’s an absolute disqualifier.
Problematic profile preferences
This unfortunately is a big problem in the gay community. You will see on apps such as Grinder that men will indicate ‘No Asians, No blacks, No Femmes.’ Some might say that’s just a matter of taste and preference or that it’s “the person’s type,” but this is actually discrimination. Ask yourself: do you really want to start a relationship with someone who is willing to put this out there?
Substance abuse issues
While it is completely acceptable for you and your date to enjoy a few drinks when you first meet each other, I would be wary of any date situation where substance use becomes the primary focus. That could be a date who really wants you to have that fifth drink or shows up to the date drunk or high. This is a serious red flag. As you start dating, if they cannot be with you when they are sober, that’s going to become a huge problem.
Oversharing
This is when your date tells you about what medications they are on, their ex partners, or a major trauma they endured. This is the type of information that doesn’t really belong on a first, second or the third date. They are putting way too much information out there. When you start dating someone, you are in the gathering of information stage, but you are not going that deep yet. You are just trying to get a sense if there’s chemistry and shared interests. When somebody is putting way too much out there, it might indicate that there is some kind of insecurity or lack of boundaries, and that is why this is a red flag.
We are all flawed, and we all have issues; any of these items on this list might not necessarily be a deal-breaker for you, but they are worth paying attention to early on in the relationship, especially when you are going through the stages of infatuation. Because when you are infatuated with someone, it’s easy to be be blinded by emotion and not see these issues.
Please share your comments below,
and tell me about your red flags.
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Swiped Out
A Gay Dating Support Group
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- Five Dating Red Flags [Video] - March 7, 2018
- How Being Vulnerable Makes You Stronger - January 18, 2018
- Five Key Differences Between Love and Infatuation - September 8, 2017
6 comments
Great topic – we sometimes joke about these red flags while dating, but its important to pay attention to them too!
LOVE IT!!! Dating’s so hard, thanks for discussing these warning signs and the meaning behind each one.
Great video blog Zach! These are some amazing points. I really like how you pointed out the problematic profiles on social media, many people feel it is okay to be discriminatory on social media. I think that behavior is rude and disrespectful.
Can’t wait to see how the new group “Swiped Out” works out for you.
Great points! We often overlook these signals and they are a powerful and simple indicator of someone not being a fit. Also when we overlook these and persist in dating these are signs of what we need to work on!
Great video blog! I really appreciate the points you make. In the beginning of a relationship, it’s easy to overlook red flags when we feel excited about a person, so this is such an important reminder that we should listen to those warning signs!
Wonderful video! Identifying red flags and paying attention to those gut instincts when something doesn’t feel right can be really hard especially when we are in that lust/infatuation stage. Thanks for naming it and encouraging folks to tune in for things to be mindful of.