Why Am I So Angry?

Why am I so Angry?

Anger has a bad reputation. As a society, we want to eliminate it, judge people for their displays of it, and micromanage the angry outbursts of others. Do we ever stop to think, however,  “Why am I so angry?”  The APA describes anger as an “emotion characterized by antagonism towards someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong.” That’s as simple as it is: anger is just an emotion. The negative image of anger doesn’t come from emotion but from how people act or react in anger. In actuality, anger is a feeling or bodily sensation that signifies that something is unsafe or doesn’t feel right. This blog aims to refine anger’s purpose as a tool for survival and protection rather than a sole expression of one’s rash and impulsive instincts.

Anger: A Tool for Survival

According the Panksepp’s Affective Neuroscience Study, the anger or rage system is one of seven primary emotional systems common to mammals. These systems are located in the mammalian brain (limbic or emotional brain) that primarily supports survival. Cats, bats, rats, and humans are all supported by this particular system.

So, what is anger’s role in our survival toolkit? Let’s take a look at our most vulnerable population to understand – newborns. Newborns enter the world crying. How did they learn how and when to cry? They didn’t have to learn since they were born with the ability to communicate distress. As adults, we may associate crying with sadness or the grief system. However, for babies, crying can be a reaction to the activation of many systems. These can include the seeking system, grief system, or rage system. For infants, crying is the primary mode of communication to signal the need for their caregiver’s attention. This applies to all of their needs – hunger, sadness, illness, etc. The challenge for caregivers is to decode which system has been activated to soothe it, but that’s another topic to explore.

Most of us know we should avoid interaction with bear cubs, as the mama bear is usually nearby. If the mother feels her cub is in danger, you will witness her rage system activated fully. Mammals react in anger when either they or their offspring are at risk. This aids in the protection, as well as the survival, of an entire species.

Anger: A Tool to Motivate Action

Anger has a form of energy and force associated with it. It increases blood pressure, body temperature, and muscle tension by moving blood to muscles. It also spikes hormones, such as adrenaline and noradrenaline, and makes your mind sharp and alert. All these reactions ensure your body and mind are ready for action. What is this action? Often, the “action” associated with anger is harmful, violent, or destructive. However, we overlook the positive action that stems from rage.

We have all been angry at ourselves for getting a bad grade or losing a job. This can motivate us to study more or work harder to succeed. Angry at your partner? What caused it? Perhaps it was not feeling heard or respected. Honor that anger by addressing it with your partner. The process of transforming that rupture toward repair builds a stronger relationship. What can change about your life circumstances to manage this better? Anger motivates positive action and moves people closer to a fulfilling life.

Read more about anger management here.

Anger: A Tool for Understanding Your Value System

Values are the fundamental beliefs that determine how we live our lives. They influence how we live, speak, act, and feel. They are formed through the influence of family, friends, community, environment, religion, culture, etc. Values are central to our identities.

An emotional reaction toward a situation, person, or event is a tool to gain insight into your values and belief system. Feeling anger is your body’s way of alerting you that you have been attacked. Something unjust or unfair has moved you toward protecting or defending your values. What is this telling you about what matters to you? This is a key question in uncovering those values. Taking a step back to uncover and examine these values can help build a lifestyle that aligns with your values and beliefs.

Anger: Tool for Mobilization and Lasting Effect

Globally, anger can result in violence, discrimination, and wars. However, it is important to appreciate that many historical movements were the result of anger. Injustice toward a population with a shared identity sparks outrage. The shared anger leads to unity. That can then give this population more confidence, a louder voice, and the ability to affect change. Women amended the legislation to gain voting rights when they acted in anger toward unfairness. The protests following George Floyd’s death responded to the anger at injustice. Same-sex marriage was finally legalized in all states of the USA when LGBTQ+ members voiced their anger for acceptance. Anger can give individuals force, courage, and a shared interest in affecting lasting change to transform the world into a place where they can live among others.

Make Anger Your Strength

Easy to say but challenging to do. Anger has a bad reputation due to the maladaptive and harmful ways of processing and expressing it. Avoiding or suppressing it can cause medical and physiological harm to the body. Anger can act as a secondary emotion to mask more vulnerable emotions, like sadness or fear. When left unaddressed and unprocessed, it can be misdirected and trickle into other areas of life. When anger persists, it can manifest as anxiety.

So, how can we change our relationship with anger? Most importantly, by accepting and honoring it. Approaching it with curiosity, ask yourself, what made me feel this way? What was the trigger? Where did that come from? Is it relevant in this situation? How was the expression of anger modeled in my family? Being curious about why you are angry can help you develop deep insight and self-awareness. This can be your biggest strength and asset in successfully building a meaningful life.

Read about three great ways to manage your anger here.

Are you interested in exploring your relationship with anger? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!

Can you recall a time when anger served to protect or motivate you toward positive change? Join the conversation in the comments below