Do you feel like a bad person for saying “no” to others? Is your fear of saying “no” causing you to over-commit yourself and increasing your stress? If this sounds familiar, you need to learn that saying “no” is a healthy option and is an important relationship skill that helps individuals draw clear boundaries in both their personal and professional lives. Saying “no” gives you more time for doing what is really important to you. Remember, you can’t add more time to your day, so you need learn to prioritize your commitments.
People find themselves saying “yes” out of guilt, inner conflict, or thinking you can do it all. News flash: nobody can do it all. These tips will help you become more assertive when declining someone’s request.
1. Be gracious and polite. There is no need to be aggressive or confrontational. Try saying, “I really wish I could, but I can’t.”
2. Sleep on it. Very rarely do people need an immediate response to something. It’s OK to take time to think about it. Before you say “no,” try saying, “I’d like to think about it and get back to you.” Remember to be matter-of-fact and not too promising so they don’t get their hopes up that you’re eventually going to say yes.
3. Start with what you CAN do vs. what you can’t do. Offer a less significant commitment on your own terms by saying, “I can do ___ for you, I just won’t be able to do ___.”
4. Be sympathetic while remaining firm. There is no need to be overly apologetic or defensive. Taking a firm stance without being rude can sound like this: “I am sorry but I can’t do this right now.”
5. Be brief but honest. Don’t feel obligated to explain yourself or make up complex excuses.
You have the choice to accept or decline what people ask of you. Confidence is key in communicating personal needs. Focus on what matters most to you and remember that every time you commit to something, it takes away from your ability to do other things, whether it self-care or previous obligations. Nobody likes someone who spreads themselves too thin.
Being assertive does not mean that you are rude. Always saying yes is not healthy and may contribute to feeling run-down and overly stressed. Take care of yourself and say YES to saying NO!
Let us know below in the comments section about your ways of saying “no” without being rude?
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1 comment
Great post! One thing I always think about is that lots of little moments of saying no–or what I call “dosing out your anger”–prevents you from having those big, often unproductive anger or frustration meltdowns. Lots of little “no moments” now (however hard they may be!) keeps away those awful explosions in the future!