Have you ever found yourself talking to a friend, family member, or partner about something and feel that they “just don’t get it!”? This is a normal frustration that arises when you don’t get the empathy you desire.
Empathy is the ability to enter the world of another person as they see and experience it. It does not mean you agree with the other person’s view, but it does mean that you understand the feelings that they are experiencing.
To clarify further, empathy should not be confused with sympathy. Sympathy is the ability to feel concern or worry for a person, while maintaining a distance from that person’s feelings. It is often is associated with pity. For example someone unaffected by Hurricane Katrina saying, “I feel sorry for the victims of the hurricane.”
A simple way to practice being empathetic is to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. This requires the ability to actively listen while NOT providing solutions. You must convey that you relate to their feelings. For example, if a friend complains about their boss being on their case about their tardiness, instead of providing them with ways to be on time to work, an empathetic response could be, “It sounds like you feel frustrated that your boss has been on your case about your lateness.” This sends the message that you are listening to them and that you understand their frustration.
An empathetic response takes practice and patience, but I am confident that anyone can master it!
Check out this short video that Brené Brown created that describes empathy.
How have you learned to be more empathetic? Please share below in our comments section!
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2 comments
Great post! I love to think about perspective taking when I think about empathy. Sometimes, the face of Atticus Finch comes into my mind as I imagine what it must really be like to (in his words) walk a mile in another man’s shoes! Another great technique I’ve used is to listen for feelings, rather than content. In other words, I try to image in how a person is feeling in a particular situation, rather than focus on the specifics of what they’re mentioning. Three cheers for being empathic!
thanks for the post, joseph.
being a very empathic person, i have found it necessary to shield myself from others who are not as much as i.
i have learned, over the years in nyc, that there is so much pain, discontent, etc., that lots of people just can’t be as empathic as many need, even with close friends.
there are many slippery slopes on the empathic path, so finding others who are willing and able to express it is a true gift.