Sometimes it is difficult to know how to approach a loved one about their depression. Watching someone suffer from depression can cause tremendous pain and can result in the non-depressed person feeling a mix of emotions including loneliness, guilt, helplessness and anger. If you have ever experienced this, you are certainly not alone!
Here are some important tips for helping someone with depression –
1. Approach with concern and with an action plan!
Don’t blurt out that you think your friend or partner is depressed. Instead, tell them you have been feeling concerned lately with how down they’ve been feeling and want to work together to find a doctor that could help. You could say, “You seem pretty down so I just wanted to check in with you. How are you doing?” You may want to have some numbers of doctors ready that you can call together. Suggest going along with them to their first appointment.
2. Be supportive and loving by listening!
It may be difficult to be compassionate and patient if you’ve been dealing with this dynamic for a long time, but unconditional love may be just the thing your friend needs. Remember to not be judgmental while you’re listening and to ask questions to better understand how they feel and for how long they’ve been feeling this way. Ask, “How can I best support you right now?” or tell them, “You are not alone, I’m here for you.” Read What is Empathy? And How To Practice It!
3. Set realistic expectations.
Depression is an illness that comes in waves. Allow the person suffering to have their bad days. Instead of hiding from or ignoring it, identify their symptoms and be a compassionate listener. Try to remain positive and remember that you don’t necessarily to give them advice; they may just want to express how they’re feeling. You could say, “I know you may feel like giving up right now but you’re strong and can hold on for one more day (or hour or minute…), whatever you can manage right now.” And you can pass on some hope by saying, “your depression is making you feel this way right now, but you won’t always feel this way.”
4. Create boundaries for yourself.
You are not the therapist! Although it’s nice to help a loved one keep their appointments and be there to listen, you also need to take care of yourself! You should lead by example with positive self-care. Stay true to your own routine while still allowing time to take care of them.
5. Stay informed!
Learn as much about depression as you can so you are aware of what to expect and ways to be supportive.
Remember that depression makes it difficult for a person to connect with others and to function normally. This doesn’t mean they don’t love you, so try your best not to take it personally.
Are there any other tips have for ways to deal with a depressed partner or friend? Please share below!
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5 comments
Very helpful post with actionable suggestions for how to support someone around grieving or depression! I particularly like the point about self-care. Living with a partner or family member coping with depression can be especially hard. Incorporating fun / rejuvenating activities can be a vital protective factor for your own mental wellness. Remember – your gas mask first!
I think that this is especially helpful nowadays with everything going on in the news. I get asked this question all the time from people who want to be supportive and now I know I can just send them this article. Great job! 🙂
Great list! It’s so important to remember that you don’t need to “cure” someone of their depression or solve their problems for them but just by being there for them with support and love you can make them feel better and help them get through those negative feelings.
Very helpful post. I appreciate the thoughtfulness about acknowledging someone’s depression with out necessarily labeling as such. This allows the friend or loved one to be seen and heard without a label or “diagnosis”. Recognizing that we all can experience depression at some point can also create ease for the person experiencing it. Allowing some for someone’s challenging feelings can be a first step in moving the through them.
I find that this most important thing to do is listen instead of trying to fix things. By being with the emotion it helps to connect and supports in undoing the aloneness others feel when depressed.