What Does It Mean To Be Asexual?

.Have you ever wondered what the “A” in the LGBTQIA+ acronym stands for? The “A” stands for asexual individuals in the community. So, what does it mean to be asexual? Asexuality is a sexual orientation for individuals who do not experience sexual attraction towards others. Sexual attraction is defined as “attraction that makes people desire sexual contact or shows sexual interest in another person(s)”. The ace spectrum consists of identities for people who experience romantic and/or sexual attraction differently, or not at all, like asexual individuals. There are key differences between romantic and sexual attraction that make up different identities on the ace-spectrum. Understanding asexual and ace-spectrum experiences are important because it allows us to expand our view of sexuality and recognize how people experience different forms of attraction in unique ways.  

What does it mean to be asexual?

Asexuality is one of many sexual identities on the ace spectrum. This identity refers to individuals who do not feel drawn to people sexually. It is important to understand that attraction is not the same as action in regards to sex.

Asexual identities are on a spectrum. The ace spectrum includes different identities and sexual orientations that refer to individuals who experience romantic and/or sexual attraction differently, or not at all. Asexual people may experience physiological sexual reactions like arousal or libido, or they may not. This is a natural sexual orientation like any other in the LGBTQIA+ community. It is different from celibacy, which is a choice to abstain from sexual behavior. People who are asexual are those who do not experience sexual attraction to others. Some asexual folks do experience romantic attraction, and some do not. Additionally, some are sex-repulsed, sex-neutral, or sex-positive, as attitudes towards sex differ. There are many different asexual experiences and identities. 

Asexual people consist of 1% of the population. Asexuality is not an illness or a result from trauma, but a natural variation in sexual orientation.

The difference between sexual vs. romantic attraction

To understand asexual experiences and ace spectrum identities, it is important to note the key  differences between sexual versus romantic attraction. Romantic attraction is defined as “attraction that makes people desire romantic contact or interaction with another person or persons.” Individuals on the ace spectrum coined the term the Split Attraction Model, which refers to this split between sexual and romantic attraction. In summary, for every sexual orientation, there is a romantic orientation counterpart.

This model can apply to how we all experience sexual and romantic attraction differently. For example, a man can feel romantic attraction towards women and also feel sexual attraction towards any gender. A non-binary person may feel romantic attraction towards any gender and feel no sexual attraction towards anyone and identifies as asexual. These differences in romantic and sexual attraction make up important differences for folks on the ace spectrum.

Sexual vs. romantic attraction in relationships

These differences in sexual versus romantic attraction can also apply to relationships and sexuality in general. There may be different forms of attraction within relationships, between sexual partners, etc. This is also an important distinction to note if you are engaging in sex and there appears to be sexual attraction differences between you and your sexual partner(s). Differences can also come from how some people experience sexual desire in general. 

Read more about the difference between spontaneous and responsive sexual desire

There are so many ways that romantic and sexual attraction differences can affect our experiences with identity, relationships, and our attitudes towards sex and romance. This is why it is so important to have open communication about sexual desire. 

Read more about talking about sex 

Ace Spectrum Identities

The Split Attraction Model is also important for understanding asexual individuals and various other identities on the ace spectrum.

This model helps us identify that those who are asexual may still experience romantic attraction and name their romantic orientation separately as panromantic, heteroromantic, homoromantic, demiromantic, or any other romantic orientation and not forfeit their asexual identity. The same applies for individuals who experience romantic attraction differently. This may seem like a lot of new terms and frameworks around romantic and sexual orientation, but it is important to note that these identity terms help individuals who are often scorned and stigmatized by society feel a sense of belonging, validation, and community with shared experiences.

Other identities on the ace spectrum

Some other identities on the ace spectrum include demisexual/demiromantic, which are people who do not experience attraction to someone until an emotional connection is formed with them, and aromantic, or people who do not experience romantic attraction to anyone. To explore more of the identities on the ace spectrum, you can check out this website.

If you are wondering if you may be asexual or on the ace spectrum, you are not alone. There are so many different ways that we feel attraction to others. Finding words to describe that can be a great validating and affirming experience. The Split Attraction Model allows us to see sexual and romantic attraction as exclusive counterparts that we all experience in different ways. It is important to both acknowledge and understand this part of the LGBTQIA+ community. This includes expanding our frameworks for human sexuality and romantic attraction. Asexual folks and others on the ace spectrum allow us to understand how sexual attraction and/or romantic attraction are not experienced by everyone, and that is okay.

Do you want to learn more about sexual and romantic attraction? Reach out to our LGBTQ affirming therapists!

Do you have any questions about the ace spectrum or Split Attraction Model? Join the conversation in the comments below!