Anxiety is a natural and common emotion that serves as a valuable signal. This signal, or warning sign, indicates that something might be wrong or that we must prepare for a particular situation. It’s especially prevalent in social contexts because, as social beings, we require social interaction. In this sense, social anxiety acts as an adaptive emotion that guides our behavior toward social acceptance. Prosocial behavior, which involves actions that foster social connection and acceptance, is an integral part of our human nature, and we naturally adapt to various social environments. This blog will further explore the function of anxiety and share wellness practices to help improve it.
Rethinking Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is telling you that you care about something. If you didn’t care about making meaningful connections, you wouldn’t be bothered by the judgments of others, and you wouldn’t experience anxiety. Much of social anxiety revolves around our perceptions of what others think about us and their judgments. You can use this anxiety to your advantage by gaining deeper insights into yourself. Often, the judgments we fear from others are judgments we’ve already passed on ourselves. For instance, if you attend an event and worry that people won’t find your joke funny, ask yourself how you feel about the joke. Assess your confidence in your humor and the joke itself. Working on your self-assurance and confidence can improve social anxiety.
When you find yourself feeling extremely anxious about a social event, take a moment to listen to your anxiety and identify why that event is so important to you. Recognizing that you feel more anxiety when something is more important to you helps you to learn your values and feel more connected with yourself. For example, say I am going to a book club tomorrow where I will not know anyone. It is natural to feel anxiety regarding this event. I could listen to the anxiety and decide it is telling me to not go, and stay home. Or, I could recognize that the anxiety is coming up because this is important to me and I want it to go well, and I could choose to go despite feeling anxious. I am passionate about reading and am trying to meet new people in a new city. Going to this book club is aligned with my needs and values, so it is necessary for me to manage and improve my social anxiety by still going to the book club, not avoid it.
Self-Compassion
Self-compassion is a powerful tool for managing social anxiety. It’s common to be overly critical of ourselves after social events, including our behavior, attire, and conversation.
This self-criticism comes from a well-intentioned desire to improve and be more socially accepted and liked. We want to analyze ourselves to change our behavior in the future. Self-criticism is an attempt at prosocial behavior, motivating and encouraging us to continue engaging in social activities; however, self-criticism often leads to self-doubt, low self-esteem, and shame, keeping us stuck and hindering personal growth. Consider the following scenarios of self-criticism and self-compassion. Suppose you’re at a party, and a joke you told didn’t get much laughter. The self-critical response might be, “No one laughed at your joke. You’re so foolish.” This will make you feel inadequate and self-conscious, potentially leading to withdrawal from conversations. Choosing self-compassion, you might say, “It’s unfortunate that only a few people laughed at my joke. Maybe they didn’t find it as funny as I did, and that’s alright. At least I dared to put myself out there and try.” The self-compassionate response will encourage you to keep trying to engage in prosocial behavior and keep engaging in conversation. You will not be second-guessing everything you are saying which can keep you out of the present moment.
Being mindful and present when engaging with others is important for maintaining relationships. Self-compassion will help keep us in that space and improve social anxiety. There is truly no benefit to being so mean to ourselves, it will only hurt us and our relationships in the future. It’s important to note, however, that it is also natural to start with self-criticism. So don’t beat yourself up if you are not always kind to yourself. You are allowed to be human. Just try to follow up the self-criticism with some compassion and see how it goes.
Wellness Tips
Now that we’ve explored social anxiety and how to manage it during social situations, let’s discuss some wellness practices to alleviate anxiety before it arises.
- Try a five minute guided meditation targeting social anxiety. My preferred app for guided meditations is Insight Timer, which offers free meditations of varying durations and themes. Although meditating daily is ideal for long-term benefits, it may not always be practical. So, consider meditating before the social event that makes you anxious to ease the physical symptoms of anxiety.
- Reach out to someone you’re comfortable with, either by calling or texting. Engaging with friends and family who value and care for you can empower you and boost your confidence. Before entering an anxiety-inducing event, a reminder that you are loved and cherished can be reassuring.
- Practice deep breathing, especially when you start to experience physical anxiety symptoms. The four-square breathing technique is a useful wellness practice: Inhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold for four seconds, and repeat. You can also use this technique during a social situation if you notice your anxiety escalating. Additionally, focus on your breath, pay attention to physical sensations, and ground yourself by feeling your feet firmly on the ground.
See more tips and wellness practices here.
I hope these tips have been helpful and empower you to continue putting yourself out there and engaging in social behaviors while managing your anxiety! Remember, be kind to yourself, give yourself grace, and take care of yourself!
Interested in exploring social anxiety in psychotherapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!
What tips do you have for improving social anxiety? Join the conversation in the comments below!
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1 comment
This was so helpful – I never thought of utilizing self compassion when combatting social anxiety! I will be sharing this 🙂