Spice It Up! Five Tips for Keeping the Passion in Your Relationship

sexual desire

Few things give us as many warm feelings, meaningful memories, opportunities for connection than a long-term romantic relationship.   We also know that relationships come with their fair share of challenges.  Staying intimately connected to someone else is difficult!   Below, you’ll find five tips for keeping the intimacy and sexiness alive in your relationship over time.  Remember: push the boundaries!  At year two or twelve or twenty, there’s always a way to spice things up in the bedroom.

1. Get sensual.  Sometimes the key to spicy sex is to not have sex at all.  Instead, think about having a sensual experience with your partner.  Give each other a back rub or foot massage.  Spoon on the sofa while listening to a favorite album.  Play with each other’s hair.  The experience of mutual touch and connection will spice things up in the near and long term!

2. Go shopping.  Fantasy is one of the most exciting parts of a healthy sex life—and the part most likely to be abandoned the more time we spend in a relationship.  To bring some fantasy back into the bedroom, consider going shopping at a local sex shop (or even a costume shop!) for sex toys, different lubricants, underwear or outfits that might spice things up.

3. Turn off the lights.  When our sense of sight is compromised, our brains heighten the sensitivity of our other senses.  The next time you’re getting in the mood with your partner, consider making the room absolutely as dark as possible–or, if you’re feeling more adventurous, have one person be blindfolded.  Your senses of smell, touch and sound will all be heightened, making the experience that much sexier.

4. Discover the body’s erogenous zones.  Sure, we all know that our private parts are responsible for taking us to sexual climax.  But the body is full of places that provide sexual stimulation beyond just what’s between the legs.  Feet, ears, nipples, backs of knees, nape of the neck, and the eyelids are all parts of the body that can be stimulated to increase feelings of arousal.

5. Make time.  That’s right—as unspontaneous and silly as it may sound, sometimes we need to make time for sex.  Even better, plan to “unplug” for the evening; turn off phones, laptops, and televisions and fully dedicate your energy to being sexual with your partner.

Samuel Guzzardi, LCSW - NYC Therapist
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