We all experience emotional distress. Whether the feeling is sadness, anger, or something else, sometimes emotions can be overwhelming. It can be challenging to find a way out of feeling this way. For many people, moments of emotional stress lead to wanting the feelings to go away – and this makes sense. Who wouldn’t want distressing emotions to just disappear?
Unfortunately, this is not usually possible, but there are two ways to move away from emotional distress: avoidance and distraction. Avoidance tends to be unhealthy and lead to more emotional issues. To many people, distraction also sounds like a bad way to deal with a situation. When used properly, however, distraction can be a healthy distress tolerance skill.
Avoidance vs. distraction
Avoidance is characterized by moving away from the feelings and never taking the time to deal with the situation that caused them. Avoidance is when you stuff down or swallow your emotions and pretend like they are not happening. When you find yourself thinking things like “just let it go” or “get over it” or “man up,” you are probably in a state of avoidance. Generally, this is not good for your mental health and can lead to increases in anxiety and depression, among other issues.
Read more: The Effects of Chronic Stress
Distraction, on the other hand, can be a good tool for distress tolerance and can help you to get through the most overwhelming periods of emotional distress. Distraction involves intentionally getting your mind off of the emotionally distressing situation to give yourself a break from those difficult feelings. Once you reach a calmer place, you will be better able to figure out a way to deal with the issue at hand. The difference between distraction and avoidance is that, with distraction, you do address the issue once you have calmed down.
Using distraction for distress tolerance
Distraction as a means of dealing with emotional distress can look different for each person. The key is that you find something that effectively takes your mind off of the distressing situation and makes the moment more tolerable. For some people, this could be going for a jog or a bike ride. For some people, it could be cleaning the apartment. For others, it could be watching a favorite TV shows or playing video games. Distraction can also involve calling a friend, but choosing not to talk about the emotionally distressing situation at that moment. Helping a friend or volunteering can be a great way to distract from your emotional distress while also benefiting from the positive feelings that come from giving back.
When distraction does not work
Like all distress tolerance skills, distraction may not work for every situation of emotional distress. If you find that you are unable to get your mind off of the situation, you may need to try some other options. One option is to practice self-compassion and acceptance. Try saying to yourself something like: “This is really hard for me and I am struggling right now. Everyone has struggles. It is okay that I feel this way.” Another option is to intentionally sit with the feelings you are having. Often times, when you allow yourself to feel a distressing emotion, it will increase, peak, and then decrease – just like a wave.
Emotionally distressing situations happen to us all. When you find yourself wanting to move away from an emotion, this may be a good time to intentionally use distraction as a distress tolerance skill. If you find yourself in a state of avoidance, however, you are at risk of causing yourself more emotional harm. Remember, the key to distraction is that you eventually come back to the cause of the emotional distress and figure out how to address it. Depending on the situation, this could involve making a different choice for yourself, asking for help, or addressing an issue between you and another person.
Read more: How to Have a Difficult Conversation with Someone You Love
What are healthy ways that you choose to distract yourself? Join the conversation in the comments below!
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4 comments
Great post, Weston! This is a great reminder to be compassionate with yourself when overwhelmed by emotions, as it’s so easy to be further upset with ourselves. I’ve found that distractions like music and exercise can help me get our of my own head, but also things that help me process like writing in a journal can help me process through the emotions as well.
Nice post, Weston. I really appreciated you also including tips for times when distraction, though it often helps me, does not work. I also like to visualize emotions as waves, and I’m surfing through my anger, or sadness, etc. Thank you!!
Awesome post, Weston! Thanks for writing this. I think some people believe that if they don’t worry about their stress they are not doing something about it. Sometimes we have to allow space and time for things that are challenging. Avoidance of a stressful issues never seems to work for me. I find it very helpful to distract myself from things that are stressful for me. For me, this is done by cleaning and organizing my space. Usually, after I do this I feel like I can start to problem solve how the stress is impacting me. This is when I usually find solutions that will address my stress.
This is a really great post Weston! Thank you for such a thoughtful blog post of the difference between avoidance and distraction. I know that when I need a good distraction from emotionally stressful situations, I find a lot of comfort in reading, drawing, doing some physical movement or playing with my puppy. There are so many different tools one can use to as healthy distractions, its a matter of finding what fits for you.