In an increasingly chaotic and alarming world, it is easy for a parent’s natural protective instincts to spill over into overprotective parenting. But it doesn’t have to. There are ways to keep children safe while still providing them with the freedom and play they need to build confident selves. With good communication and by allowing children to make age-appropriate decisions, parents support the comfort and self-knowledge in their children that lead to secure adulthood, and offer the best protection in the long run.
Protection is necessary; overprotection is not. This article can help you recognize the difference, stop overprotective parenting, and take steps to foster secure, independent children.
The Risks of Overprotective Parenting
Helicopter parenting is when parents hover over a child’s every step, trying to control and plan for every possibility. Snowplow parenting, a related term, is when parents attempt to shield children from every setback before it happens. However well-intentioned, both forms of overinvolvement can hinder a child’s essential life skill development; when nothing is left to chance, children don’t have the space to figure some things out on their own. As a result, they can become overly dependent and unprepared for the real world.
Helicopter parenting, driven by perfection, stunts emotional growth. It also hinders executive functioning, which can lead to anxiety and can even cause depression and helplessness. Conversely, “good enough parenting” – a term coined by renowned pediatrician and psychoanalyst Donald Winnicott – builds resilience, which is crucial for life’s challenges. By offering children the freedom to play and be themselves in a safely contained space, parents allow them to develop a healthy sense of self. Winnicott understood that children actually benefit from distress tolerance and that it helps them develop self-sufficiency. It also fosters something Winnicott considered essential to a happy life: the ability to play.
Chris Prange-Morgan, MA, MSW, explores the topic in her article, “Why Good Enough Parenting is Better Than Perfection.“
6 Signs of Overprotective Parenting
- Controlling choices: Making decisions that children can make themselves.
- Sheltering from failure: Preventing children from making mistakes.
- Overreacting to failures: Exaggerating minor missteps.
- Fear of injury: Excessive worry about physical harm. This restricts play.
- Intense focus on achievement: Undue pressure to excel.
- Extreme rewards and strict rules: Rigid systems that stifle autonomy.
The consequences of these tendencies can be significant. Children can become overly dependent, lack self-confidence, and fear new experiences. They can feel the need to lie in order to avoid disapproval. On the other hand, when everything is done for them, they can develop a misguided sense of entitlement and lack the resilience to deal with life’s inevitable difficulties when they do arise.
5 Ways to Avoid Being Overprotective
The journey to less overprotective parenting can involve a shift in perspective and may feel counterintuitive at first, but the effort is well worth the results; less stress for parents and greater well-being for children.
Embrace “Good Enough” Parenting
Let go of the pressure to be a perfect parent. Understand that mistakes offer growth and that this applies to both you and your child. By modeling a tolerance for your own imperfections, you show children that they don’t have to be perfect either. Seeing you handle mistakes, disappointments, and frustrations with self-compassion and self-acceptance allows your children to develop these crucial skills themselves.
Encourage Age-Appropriate Decision-Making
As “Overprotective Parents: How to Let Go and Raise Independent Kids“ suggests, give children choices. Even small ones build confidence and develop agency. Start with simple decisions when the stakes are low. For example, allowing a child to choose what to wear or what book to read fosters critical thinking and healthy self-esteem. You can build on those capacities as they mature, and you are able to have more nuanced conversations about choices. Children learn from experience and the decisions they make.
Allow for Failure and Learning
Failure is a part of life and a powerful teacher, and shielding children from failure robs them of a valuable opportunity to learn. Instead, offer support and guidance through challenges. These conversations present a perfect opportunity to enhance connection and trust, and provide the foundation for strong communication as they move into teen-age and beyond. When you help children understand setbacks, they learn problem-solving skills, which are an essential component of self-confidence.
Talk About the World
The world can be disturbing. In “3 Ways to Protectively Parent in a Disturbing World“ All Pro Dad offers helpful ways to engage with children about events. Discuss media. Ration news exposure. Create open dialogue. Ask what children think and what they feel, and discuss family responses. Children are often exposed to more than we know, but by offering a safe place to discuss their reactions, parents help them feel less confused, less fearful, and more empowered to become active in the areas that matter to them. For example, volunteering or helping others as a family teaches both empathy and a sense of personal agency.
Seek Support and Set Boundaries
If you struggle to loosen the reins, consider professional help. Therapists provide strategies and support. They can empathize with and help you understand the anxieties that underpin the tendency to be overprotective. And a greater understanding helps both parents and children.
Find encouragement and some concrete ideas with 5 Skills That Lead to Positive Parenting and helpful coping strategies for dealing with parental burnout.
Good Enough Parenting
We all want our children to be capable, secure, and resilient, to live happy, independent lives with the ability to form healthy relationships. Moving away from helicopter parenting helps them embrace a balanced, self-compassionate, and curious approach. When we trust childrens’ decisions, we allow them to learn from failure and build confidence from success. When we keep open lines of communication about these choices, the benefits are immense. Good enough parenting helps produce confident adults who are well-equipped to deal with life’s complexities. Who doesn’t want that?
Do you want to explore overprotective parenting in therapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!
In what ways have you found yourself being an overprotective parent? Join the conversation in the comments below!
- Helicopter Parenting: 5 Ways to Not Be an Overprotective Parent - January 22, 2026