Before the holidays even begin, decorations go up in public places and the radio begins to bombard us with cheery music about sleigh bells, carriage rides and candy canes! This can create pressure to enjoy each and every moment of the holidays. Unrealistic expectations of how we should feel can make it difficult to recognize that the holiday season can be stressful. Here are three ways in managing holiday expectations:
- Be honest with yourself and check-in on your feelings throughout. Many of us have experienced painful or difficult events during the holidays and memories of these can resurface every year. It is important to allow for time to reflect on past experiences and validate when reminders of past events surface. Give yourself permission to feel sadness, pain and grief. The more you give yourself the freedom to experience uncomfortable feelings, the more you can also feel joy or contentment as well.
- Plan how you want to spend your time. The expectation is that you spend the most of the holidays with family. If you have unresolved issues with any particular family member this can add to the pressure to put on a happy face or sweep things under the rug. Allow yourself the freedom to spend time with who you choose. If a sense of obligation makes tension unavoidable, set boundaries regarding how long you want to spend with someone and be clear on what topics of conversation you are comfortable with.
- Know what you’re willing and able to spend on the holidays. Year after year the focus on the holidays can be all about the latest electronics or out doing the gift from last year. But sometimes budgeting constraints don’t allow for that. You can give of yourself, including your time and efforts, and offer thoughtful gifts while not breaking the bank. This can include coupons for babysitting, starting a holiday baking tradition, or making homemade gifts such as ornaments, digital photo albums, or music CDs. Additionally, you can make an agreement with friends and family on a spending limit.
The holidays can be a time of joy and connection as well as bring up experiences of sadness and isolation. Pressure to stay in a “holiday spirit” regardless of real-life stressors, or to over-extend yourself emotionally and financially can create unrealistic expectations to stay as jolly as St. Nick. Staying in touch with what you’re feeling and what you want from your relationships can help to manage expectations without being disingenuous. Enjoy your authentic self and the holiday season can be the “most wonderful time of the year.”
This blog is Chapter Two of our recent e-book, “Surviving the Holidaze.” If you like a free copy of this e-book, please click here.
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