When someone asks you for a favor or invites you to an event, do you find yourself immediately saying “sounds great!” or “I’d love to!” before you have even mentally processed the request? If so, you are certainly not alone! Many of us are taught to be people-pleasers and say yes automatically, even when we actually want to say no. We have internalized the message that being a good friend/partner/employee/parent/human means always saying yes. This blog explores the importance of saying no to promote more authentic, balanced lives and relationships.
Prioritize your feelings and needs
You are the most important person in your life, after all, and deserve to put your own feelings and needs at the center of your life. You are worth it. This can feel quite challenging, especially when your needs conflict with those of someone you care deeply about. While prioritizing your own needs over those of someone else might sound selfish, it can be a profound act of self-care and highlights the importance of saying no.
You can’t take care of others if you’re not taking care of yourself
If you are someone who is very practiced at caring for others, it might feel extra hard to imagine how to say no. You are used to thinking about other people and making sure everyone is okay. This is a wonderful gift you offer to the people in your life. However, to be able to continue to offer that loving care to other people, you must make sure that your needs are met. Learning how to say no is an essential ingredient to self-care. Setting healthy boundaries will help you have the physical and emotional reserve to continue to care for others, without losing yourself in the process.
Saying no is a sign of respect
If you say yes to someone when you really don’t want to, that could lead to resentment, which could negatively impact the relationship. Saying no when that’s what you mean indicates respect for yourself and the other person. Because you’re being honest and authentic – qualities that cultivate healthy relationships. Another perk of saying no is that you are modeling this behavior for others in your life. This could set a positive example of the importance of this concept. You might inspire them to set healthy boundaries with you or others in the future, which could improve those relationships as well.
Saying no to one thing means saying yes to another
Every time you say no to something, you are simultaneously saying yes to something else! Respectfully declining to attend something that would have taken time means you just said yes to using your time for something you’d prefer. This could mean more sleep, going to the gym, an evening of Netflix, or time with loved ones.
It’s good practice
The more you practice saying no and setting boundaries, the more comfortable it will become. When thinking about how to say no, a great technique is to practice with low stakes situations, like declining something a salesperson is selling. As your comfort and confidence grow, you will be more likely to say no in higher stakes situations. For instance, when a loved one asks you for help with something you don’t feel you have the capacity to agree to.
Read more: How to Say “No” Without Being Rude
While it is a common experience to want to please the people in our lives by saying yes right away, it is important to not respond automatically. We must instead practice taking a moment to breathe and check-in with ourselves to notice what we actually want. If we realize we do mean yes, then our “yes” is authentic and a true choice. If we really mean no, then it’s wonderful to have the skills to be able to express that. Practicing some strategies to support us in saying no can shift our relationships to become more honest, authentic, and free of resentment.
What are some strategies you use to respectfully say no? Leave your answer in the comments below.
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6 comments
This post is so important, because so many people struggle with the seemingly simple act of saying no. I know for me, a person who likes helping others, it is really important for me to think before automatically saying yes to everything that is asked of me. The concept you present that saying no to one thing means saying yes to another has helped me many times to find peace around declining an offer or invitation. Thanks for writing this important post, Pamela!
Great blog, Pamela! In a culture where people pleasing and saying “yes” is reinforced in a lot of ways, I loved how you explained all of the positives that come along with saying “no” and how it can be a form of self care- most importantly self respect and learning to put up healthy boundaries.
I love this post, Pamela, because saying no is something that so many people struggle with. You do a great job of outlining several positives that come with declining and I particularly like your emphasis on prioritizing your own needs and how it models and demonstrates respect. I know, for me, I can struggle with feeling disrespectful or rude when saying no, so this is a great reminder!
This is a great blog, Pamela, a topic that is close to my heart as I often struggle with the balance between helping others and caring for myself. I have had to learn how not to make the priorities of others my own. Though it can feel as if I am letting people down, I know that if I don’t care for my own needs first, I will let many more people down in the long run.
Great blog, Pamela! Saying no is not easy but sometimes necessary. I appreciate you highlighting the fact that we are the most important. Understanding your needs before someone else’s does not always equate to being selfish. For me, being comfortable with saying no is very important. This allows me to maintain boundaries and respect the boundaries of others. Awesome, thanks!
Absolutely right