Have you ever been a friend to someone and heard them talk about the multiple challenges going on in their relationship, and thought to yourself that it might be time for them to part ways? Or have you looked back in your own relationship, and found yourself unsure if this person(s) is right for you? In examining relationships, we identify the different types of known relationships people can find themselves in; the wants and needs people may have before going into a relationship; the possible challenges you might find in your current relationship, and what you could do to resolve them; and how to know if you should break up. Relationships can be fulfilling, but without the knowledge of who you are, what you want, and how you communicate, challenges within the relationship can arise.
Different Types of Relationship Dynamics
Before understanding your partner(s)’s preferences, it is crucial to understand your own, specifically when it comes to the type of relationship you would like to have. For some, they might have a preference to stay within a monogamous relationship, where they prefer to keep things one-to-one, between themselves and their partner(s). Others would prefer a polyamorous relationship where more than two people can become romantically and or sexually involved; this type of relationship is known as a polycule.
Whether you prefer a polyamorous or a monogamous relationship, you can also decide whether to keep the relationship closed between you and your partner(s) or to open the relationship, giving yourself and your partner(s) the option to explore other people romantically and sexually, while still being committed to the partner(s) you opened up the relationship with. Regardless of what you choose, both provide complementary experiences in knowing your base preferences within a relationship.
An article written by Dr. Tyler Jamisen, PhD, an Associate Professor of Human Development and Family Studies at the University of New Hampshire, explores 5 different types of romantic relationship dynamics that are not as commonly discussed, but can be witnessed in either your relationship or by witnessing your friend’s personal relationships. Dr. Jamison identified the following relationship types: Happy and Independent, Happy and Consolidated, Exploratory, Stuck, and High Intensity. Each of these relationship types varies from the other.
Happy and Independent
To start, the happy and independent relationship type is couples who are supportive and kind towards one another, and have low possibilities of negative interactions. It might seem like they have a good chance of getting married due to the qualities of this relationship dynamic. These are couples who live separate lives, separate interests, and perhaps might not live in the same home together. A relationship type like this provides the most individual freedom for both members of the relationship, where both would have the opportunity to explore themselves individually before coming back to their partner(s).
Happy and Consolidated
The happy and consolidated relationship contrasts with the happy and independent dynamic due to the level of interconnectedness between each member of the relationship. The couple in this dynamic is intertwined. This could look like sharing hobbies, perhaps going to the same school together, living together, essentially sharing a majority of themselves with their partner(s). As a result, some couples may thrive off shared interests, as the level of connection between themselves and their partner(s) arises, so does their happiness.
Exploratory Relationship
The exploratory relationship are couples who have not been together for long. They are in the process of figuring out the other person(s) interests, hobbies, place of work, family life, friend life, and deciding whether or not learning about them resonates within you, connects you to them, and deciding for yourself whether you’d like to commit to this person going forward. Couples in this relationship dynamic, due to the adolescent nature of their relationship, could anticipate “growing pains” as you and your partner(s) figure each other out.
Stuck Relationship
Dr. Jamisen describes the stuck relationship as having been together the longest without anticipating marriage. They feel uncertain about their future together and unclear about how or if they want to end the relationship, which leads them to feel stuck. Couples who relate to this dynamic might reflect on whether they can still meet their personal wants and needs within the relationship, or whether it’s time to move on.
High Intensity
Dr. Jamisen describes a high intensity relationship as more volatile than the rest of the dynamics previously discussed. This dynamic consists of couples who have mixed moments of warmth and support for one another, but also various doses of negative interactions with one another. This dynamic, due to its cyclical nature, can often result in the couple breaking up and getting back together.
Your Wants and Needs in an Ideal Relationship
In sharing the various types of relationship dynamics, whether you find yourself in a monogamous, polyamorous, open, or closed relationship, in addition to the various dynamics discussed in this blog. It is important to understand your own wants and needs when in a relationship. When your needs aren’t being met, you can begin to wonder whether you should stay in the relationship or end it. An article written by my colleague Melanie Canastra, LMHC, brings up some important points on not only how to deal with a breakup, read more here.
When you set boundaries within the relationship, it helps ensure that some of your wants and needs are being respected. Some members of a relationship may need personal space after getting home, to unwind, and process their day-to-day experiences, before checking in with their partner(s), as checking in earlier without that moment of reprieve, could feel overwhelming. Learning from the experience, can also be beneficial when in a relationship, as the experience you accumulate from being with your partner(s), can dictate whether you feel heard, respected, and valued, in the relationship, through learning from your own personal experiences, can help inform what your wants and needs are in order to make the relationship work.
Mini-Activity
In my sessions, I have faced clients who have discussed various relationship concerns, feeling unsure whether to stay in the relationship that they have or not. In regards to wants and needs, I would do a brief mini-activity with my clients, or recommend to them in between sessions, to write down their own wants and needs within their relationship. To begin, using a piece of paper, or on the computer, to create a T-Chart, where on one side is your wants for a relationship, wants being optional but nice to have, on the other side is your needs, things that you require to make the relationship work, in taking the time to explore and jot down your wants and needs, would help you identify what you need in any relationship, and whether or not you are receiving that need.
Challenges in Your Relationship
After identifying the wants and needs a person might have in their relationship, part of what causes relationships to end, in addition to knowing whether you should break up with your partner, is not being able to address the general challenges that can often arise in a relationship. Whether these challenges are something you are facing currently or not, it may be worth looking into so that you gain a level of understanding of what to do if you find yourself in that position.
Lack of Communication
The first general challenge that could arise is the lack of communication, since relationships, be it romantic or sexual in nature, often consist of more than one person; that other person might have different wants and needs compared to you.
An article written by the Book Brigade in conversation with Elizabeth Earnshaw, Marriage and Family Therapist, discusses couples who want to make long-term relationships work. Read more here. Elizabeth asks the following question, “Where should people start who want their relationship to work?” her response, “First, they both need to agree that there is a problem, and they have to have a willingness to solve it.” In making this point, communication is critical if you find yourself having problems in the relationship, while it might be easy to scream and shout at your partner, as Elizabeth mentions the topic of blaming, “The most common is the blame game, where they spend more time pointing fingers at each other for all of life’s woes than trying to work together to create a plan for making things better.”
It may be challenging to work towards trying to create a plan to make things better if neither partner is willing to take personal accountability for the relationship being what it is. Instead, it can be helpful to have a conversation with your partner(s) through a non-judgmental and curious approach. Finding out what contributes to the problem you or your partner(s) are experiencing can be the first step towards figuring out how to resolve the problem. What causes relationships to end is if neither partner is willing to have that conversation.
Lack of Boundaries
Another general challenge is a lack of boundaries. In relationships, each member might establish a boundary to communicate to their partner what they are or are not willing to do or give in the relationship. For example, in conversations about living together, a topic that can arise in any relationship, some members may express a preference for having their own separate room and clearly communicate to their partner(s) that they need their own space. People often set boundaries in relationships because they need them to function or believe they’re essential for thriving in the relationship. For some, having that separate room allows them to process their feelings and provides them an escape to be themselves. In having that, they might be able to communicate their wants and needs more effectively due to having that boundary.
Karen Salmansohn identified more reasons relationships end in the article, “Should you break up or make up?” When in response to the question “Is your partner getting on your nerves because of static clinging?” she responds, “Do you take enough breaks and give each other enough space? The best relationship is one that does not foster too much independence nor too much dependence, but exists in the healthy interdependence zone.”
While setting boundaries is important in a healthy relationship, it’s also beneficial to know the balance between giving each other space to process your own thoughts and feelings, and coming together as a couple to talk things out. If your partner consistently disregards your boundaries and you both choose distance over addressing the issues, it may be time to consider stepping away.
How To Know if You Should Break Up
Recognizing when a relationship is not working out for you can be a challenge, partly because admitting that it isn’t working out can be difficult to be okay with. Many people who enter relationships want to make things work, which is why it becomes even more challenging to admit when it isn’t working. Whether you’ve been with your partner(s) for as early as a week, or for years. Choosing to become single again can be challenging to adjust to, especially after making the attempt at building a relationship.
If you require communication in the relationship, do you feel like your partner(s) hears you when you talk? When problems arise, and you talk with them, do you feel like they are making changes to improve the relationship? If there are problems getting in the way of your relationship, is it something that either of you can fix? Do you feel respected as their partner and valued as an important part of their lives? When speaking of respect, when you communicate and enforce boundaries, do you feel like they are respecting them?
While these are just example questions you could ask yourself, if you have any doubts about the response to the questions asked above. It may be worth thinking about what stepping away from your current relationship looks like to you.
Curious about exploring your relationship in therapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!
What are some of your relationship dealbreakers? Join the conversation in the comments below!
- Why Do Relationships End? How to Know if You Should Break Up - July 31, 2025