How to Date During a Pandemic [Transcript]
Hi, my name is Alea DiGirolamo. I am a psychotherapist at myTherapyNYC and today I am going to talk about dating during a pandemic. I will touch on some common fears that come up with dating during this global crisis as well as how to date safely and create an emotional bond with social distancing rules.
Feeling of isolation
There are so many fears around dating during a pandemic and this is completely normal. Some of these fears include feeling isolated. It has been reported that in the U.S. there were 37.5 million people living alone prior to the Covid-19 outbreak. Loneliness and isolation have been linked to mental and physical health risks that should not be ignored, some of the most prevalent being heart disease, anxiety and depression.
Read more: Social Media and Mental Health
Feeling of wasting time
One of the other common fears I have noticed within my individual sessions with clients is the fear of “wasting time”. They feel that the pandemic rules of quarantine, as well as social distancing, are blocking them from meeting potential partners, and by default putting their futures on hold. This can put individuals at risk for feeling pressure to date even if they are not ready.
This brings me to one of the most important rules of dating during a pandemic. Don’t force yourself to date if you are not ready or feel pressure to do so out of feeling lonely. This is usually in the form of swiping on dating apps which can be so easy to engage in as we feel we have built-in time right now. It’s important to keep in mind that dating is not some sort of assignment that needs to be crossed off our to do list. In other words, social distancing, quarantine, this is all new for us. It’s important to make sure we are really ready to take on the dating scene before pushing ourselves to do so. Take some time to reflect. Be honest and authentic with yourself, where do you currently stand with your anxiety levels?
Fear of being around others during a pandemic
The next point I would like to touch on is the fear of being around others during a pandemic. This is especially when it is suggested to be physically distant from others. Through research, it is suggested that the first thing to keep in mind is that panic will not make you feel safer. The first thing to do would be to take common sense approaches to reduce your risk of exposure. You can make sure to continue wearing a mask if you decide to date in person; including going for a walk or in an open area where you can see other people at a distance that is comfortable for you. If you are engaging in socially distant friend or family meet-ups, continue to engage in the boundaries you utilize there.
Also, take important steps to educate yourself about the most up to date information on the virus. If nothing else, it is perfectly okay to keep dates virtual until you feel you are comfortable meeting in person. It has been studied that having virtual dates can in fact be more beneficial and intimate overall. In an article done by Suzy Weiss for the New York Post, she found that people reported that video dating forces you to be attentive and listen to the other person. There are typically fewer distractions and it takes genuine interest to continue a conversation virtually. People have found this has helped them learn who is interested in continuing interactions quicker than traditional dating.
Watch: How To Manage Mental Health During a Pandemic
This brings me to how to focus on building that emotional bond when you cannot physically be with someone. Throughout this pandemic, studies have shown that we are all connected in some way by the changes we have experienced. We also continue to adjust as the year progresses.
In an article written by Roxy Zarrabi a psychologist in Chicago, she found that during a crisis, people are often reminded of the fleeting nature of life. As a result, may simultaneously feel a loss of control and an increase in vulnerability. People crave social connection. They are more likely to drop their defenses when feeling vulnerable. This happens particularly if they perceive that this is a shared experience. You can develop an emotional bond more quickly with others when you go through a painful or adverse experience together. Research has demonstrated that experiencing a stressful event can encourage prosocial behavior and strengthen your bond with others.
As you build a connection, it’s also important to have fun and be creative with your dates. Try things like cooking a meal together with things found in your kitchen, go on a wine tour around your apartment, or even a book tour. You can watch movies together, have a virtual game night, or even go on a picnic in your backyard or living room. The best thing to do is to think outside the box, the possibilities are endless.
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As dating during a pandemic is still new for all of us, I am sure you may have experienced some things that may have worked really well for you and I would love to hear all about it. Join the conversation by commenting on this blog in the comment section below.
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2 comments
Wow! This video is so informative and packed with great suggestions about how to date safely during a pandemic. I love the information about why we may feel more drawn to dating now, as well as how we can find ways to take advantage of the unique opportunities that virtual dating can offer. Thank you for making this useful video, Alea!
This video is so needed and valuable at this time. Many friends and people that I work with are struggling with dating and finding ways to attain a real human connection. I love how you explore how an individual may or may not be ready to date while noticing fears of being around others during the pandemic. You’ve included some very helpful suggestions to help individuals build a connection with others. Thank you, Alea!