Are you worried that you’re turning into a “doormat?” Are you tired of feeling powerless and passive? Many people take a more avoidant approach in their relationships for fear that assertiveness may compromise their interpersonal relationships. Nobody wants to be viewed as pushy, bossy, or unapproachable so how we become more assertive without turning into a monster?
How assertive or unassertive we are affects every aspect in our lives. In order to understand what it really means to be assertive, we must figure out where we place on the spectrum of communication behaviors:
- Passive/Nonassertive Behavior
- “I lose, you win”
- You give up your rights and defer to the rights of another person
- Aggressive Behavior
- “I win, you lose”
- You stand up for your own rights without regard for others
- Passive Aggressive Behavior
- “I lose, you lose”
- You act out aggressive impulses in an indirect/manipulative manner
- Assertive Behavior
- “I win, you win”
- You stand up for your rights without infringing on the rights of others
So, the big question here is how do you communicate assertively? Here are 3 tips to make sure your assertive behavior is constructive.
- Use “I” statements. People feel defensive when they hear “you.” In order to avoid accusing people and making them feel attacked, try telling them how you feel using the word “I.”
- Clearly describe the hurtful or problematic behavior that you want changed. Don’t beat around the bush, it’s OK to express yourself and to feel anger!
- Ask for something. Make a clear and assertive request. Saying what you need from someone allows them the chance to respond to your feelings in a proactive way.
Remember to keep in mind that nonverbal behaviors are often just as important as verbal ones. Don’t forget to keep direct eye contact, show concern for the other person, and relax your gestures and posture! You will find that as you become more assertive, you will boost your self confidence, communicate more effectively with other, and reduced your stress!
Which ways have you been able to be assertive and stand up for yourself? Let us know in the comments below” Please share below in our comments section!
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