Our understanding of gender identity has become increasingly nuanced. Exploring our gender identity can be an important starting point for understanding the ways privilege and oppression touch us. As our understanding of gender deepens, there are a growing number of resources to help us explore the ways we form and relate to gender identity. In this article, we will explore terminology that can help put words to feelings during this process and ways in which we present and read gender. We will also explore how we learn about our gender, and the concept of gender euphoria. Gender exploration can bring us closer, not only to our understanding of privilege and oppression, but also to ourselves.
Vocabulary and terms to know
We can break gender down into several different constructs:
Gender presentation is how we express our gender, which we will dive into later on.
People whose gender identity was predicted correctly at birth based on external sex characteristics have a cisgender identity. In other words, doctors see a baby’s genitals and, based on this, proclaim “It’s a boy!” or “It’s a girl!” Cismen and ciswomen grow into and identify with that assigned gender identity. Because many people will often presume others have a cisgender identity, it holds the most social privilege. Cisgender folks do not have to worry about which bathroom they will use, getting called the wrong name, or having the wrong pronouns used.
Genderqueer, nonbinary, and transgender are all separate identities that people who are not cis may identify with. Many people use trans as an umbrella term to refer to this population.
Pronouns are how we refer to people in the third person (he/she/they). Pronouns are used to convey one’s gender identity.
Gender identity is how we identify our gender, either to ourselves and/or to others. Gender identity is not necessarily static. In fact, it may change over time, either gradually or suddenly. It may also shift several times over the lifespan.
You can read a more complete list of gender-related terms here.
How do we present and read gender?
We first learn about gender through how society projects gender presentation onto us. Hospitals wrap up newborns in pink or blue blankets to indicate presumed gender identity. Parents often mirror this, dressing their children up in traditionally gendered clothing. However, we also learn about gender beyond the house. Stores often divide toy aisles into pink and blue sections. Pink sections tend to carry housekeeping and food-centric toys, such as miniature kitchens and toy vacuums. The same stores often fill blue aisles with superhero action figures and sports-related toys. Even building blocks come in pink and purple versus blue and red color schemes. When the adults around us tell us that we are a “boy” or a “girl,” we believe them. This is because we do not know we have the freedom to question it.
But we read gender in ways that are far more complex than the colors we wear. Strangers and loved ones read gender all the time, based on things like how your hair is styled, how you speak, how you walk, and countless other socially performative factors. For example, someone wearing a dress, without facial hair, with makeup and long hair will likely be read as a cisgender woman, regardless of whether or not this person identifies with that label.
This can be frustrating to people who are not cisgender because it is most people’s habit to categorize individuals into the category of cisman and ciswoman. For example, a trans person of the same description will likely be read as a ciswoman, even though they are not. This exemplifies why we cannot assume gender identity – and pronouns – based on gender presentation. If you are wondering what pronouns someone uses, it is always best simply to ask.
Read about how to get more attuned to gender identity
Working with gender presentation
Gender presentation can be a great starting point to exploring your gender identity. When you are questioning your gender identity, one way to explore it is to try on different gender presentations. If you have always dressed in a typically masculine way, try playing with makeup or painting your nails. If you have always dressed in a more feminine way, what does it feel like to wear baggy pants? What feelings or physical sensations come up when you think about chopping off your long locks? One resource I often recommend to clients exploring their gender identity is My Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein.
What is gender euphoria?
For those whose body or clothing style or hair does not align with how they see themselves or identify, this can create distress. This distress is known as gender dysphoria. Recently, there has been a push to acknowledge gender euphoria, or the experience of being at home in your gender. Different people experience gender euphoria in different ways. There are many ways that we can feel gender euphoria: being referred to with the correct name and pronouns, wearing clothes that bring a sense of joy, getting tattoos or other body modifications, and/or the removal or addition of body hair. People of all genders can experience gender euphoria.
Gender is not just a spectrum, as it once was, but rather a constellation. There are countless factors that make up our gender identity and we get to play with all of them! You can change your pronouns. You can go by a different name. Or you can play with your gender expression. These are all ways you can begin to gain a better understanding of your own gender identity.
Do you feel more comfortable in feminine, masculine, or androgynous clothing? Does the sense of comfort in your body change based on the size of your chest or hips? What feelings come up when people refer to you with different pronouns than the ones you usually use? Seeking support from a therapist in identifying the feelings that come up can be greatly helpful in this process. Leaning on an inclusive and affirming support system can also help you as you navigate your gender identity.
Are you interested in exploring gender identity? Working with a LGBTQ-affirming therapist can provide a safe space to do so. Reach out to myTherapyNYC today!
What are ways that you explore your gender? Join the conversation in the comments below!
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4 comments
This is an amazing blog. I am so happy to be introduced to the concept of gender euphoria, Beck. Thank you for always contributing such important, meaningful material to the blogosphere.
This is an amazing blog, Beck. I am particularly struck by the wonderful concept of gender euphoria. Thank you for always contributing such wonderful information to the blogosphere.
Hi Beck, thank you so much for such an important blog! I really love the vocabulary that you incorporated in this blog. I feel like I learned so much. I also agree with Lisa, the concept of gender euphoria really stood out to me.
This is really helpful! I’ve been looking for gender dysphoria to see if I’m trans but looking for euphoria works muck better!