Finding the right therapist is not an easy task. The process can be time-consuming and expensive. Often when people are searching for a therapist it’s during a time when things may feel uncertain or overwhelming, making an already difficult task even harder.
Here are five questions to ask yourself after a few sessions with a new therapist.
1. Is the therapist engaged with you?
The primary job of the therapist is to listen to you. You should feel understood and safe to explore deep emotions and thoughts. If you get the sense that the therapist is not actively engaged with you, it may be a warning sign.
2. Does the therapeutic environment feel safe and comfortable?
Safety is the foundation of the client-therapist relationship and is critical for successful therapy. A client-therapist relationship is where the work begins. If you don’t feel safe you will most likely feel uncomfortable sharing your personal experiences, which will inhibit progress. You will know if you feel safe, so trust your gut.
3. Are your feelings, thoughts and emotions being explored?
In therapy, self-exploration is very important. In order to understand ourselves, we must develop the skills for processing our feelings, thoughts and emotions. The therapist should help you to cultivate this skillset.
4. Are you comfortable sharing conflict with your therapist?
Transparency of feelings with your therapist is a critical component for making process in your work. If you are feeling uncomfortable or judged in session, it is imperative that you raise these concerns with your therapist even if you feel uncomfortable doing so. Not only will this alliance allow your work to move forward, but it will strengthen your therapeutic bond.
5. After sessions, do you feel eager to explore your challenges and goals in life?
Therapists are not magicians. We cannot wave a wand and make everyone’s stressors disappear! But the therapist should help you to see the strength and determination inside yourself to work on those significant things in life. The work done in session is just as important as the work you do outside session. And the therapist will guide you to make the work feel manageable.
If you were able to answer yes to all five questions, consider your therapist a good fit. If you are uncertain about your answers then perhaps it’s time to discuss them with your therapist. You may both decide that the therapeutic relationship isn’t a good fit.
What questions did you ask yourself to know if your therapist was the right fit? Join our conversation by commenting below.
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27 comments
Great blog, James! It is so important to feel comfortable and safe with your therapist and be able to discuss all your needs and expectations.
I also think it’s important that you feel comfortable expressing to your therapist what is working and what isn’t. You should be able to identify what you like about therapy and what you need out of it, and then communicate this directly to your therapist!
This is a really thoughtful post! The first point really resonates – I think feeling truly seen and heard in the first session with a therapist is what compels us to return.
Great post. Very thoughtful questions to consider the best fit for finding a therapist. A useful reminder of the importance of the relationship, connection and comfort with a potential therapist.
Awesome post! I love how you emphasis the importance of checking in with yourself and seeing how the relationship feels to you! Keep it up!
These are great questions. I think it is certainly important to feel seen and heard by your therapist. Connection is key to healing.
Excellent tips on finding a good therapist! In my opinion, I think it’s healthy that everyone finds a therapist because of how helpful they can be. I like how you mentioned being able to share conflict with a therapist, and how it will strengthen your bond with them. If I were in a situation of looking for a new therapist, I would definitely want to find someone that I can comfortably confront them with any issues that may arise. I think transparency is important between a therapist and a client. http://thegoodtherapy.com/
I like your advice to find a counseling service that you feel comfortable talking about conflict with since that is an essential part of therapy. My sister has pretty severe anxiety, so she is wondering how to find the best therapist to help her. I will be sure to tell her that one of the key things that she should be looking for in an anxiety counseling service is that you feel comfortable with them. http://www.utahcountycounselors.com/depression-anxiety/
I really liked your advice to find a therapist you are comfortable with so you feel safe sharing personal experiences with your therapist. My brother has been feeling anxious and he’s been considering a therapist. Hopefully, the advice in your article will help him as he begins his recovery process.
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I really appreciate your tip to try and find a therapist who can help you cultivate a skill set of feelings, thoughts, and emotions. My wife told me that she is having a hard time managing her emotions ever since she started her new job. I will be sure to tell her that she should try and find a therapist to help her cultivate new skills! http://thecenterforfamilycounseling.com/christian-counseling/
Thanks for pointing out that it is okay, and it is a must to tell the therapist when you are uncomfortable. I will definitely share this information with my sister since the reason for her condition is a very sensitive one. I cannot share it here, but let’s just say that her it was the dignity of my sister that has been trampled upon. https://mkw-institute.com/ketamine-%26-depression
I really appreciated what you said about finding a counselor that will help you explore your issues. This is a great way to make sure that you are keeping in mind all the issues that you need to work through. My friend looking for help through a counselor would love this tip. https://counselingcenterofannarbor.com/our-services
I really appreciate your tip on how a therapist should help you cultivate a skillset of feelings, thoughts, and emotions. My wife and I have been thinking of getting a new house, and I believe that the move has been putting stress on my wife. In order to help her handle that stress, I will be sure to get her a therapist that can help her cultivate the right skill set that she needs! http://www.donaldjmceachranphd.com/counseling-services
I think that the environment of a therapist’s office is a great way to decide if it’s the right place for you. This is a great idea. I think that if you feel good, it’s a sure sign that it’s a good place for you. Thanks for the tip. https://havanawellnessstudio.com/intuitive-wellness-coaching/
Of the five questions you listed here, I do think that the third one is the most important. For me, your feelings and emotions should always be explored as they are what make us as individuals. I would just be sure to go with someone who knows what they are doing in regards to therapy and counseling. https://positiveapproachcounseling.com/services/
Thanks for the tip about finding a therapist that provides a safe place for you. It would make sense to trust your gut when you first meet with them, as you say. I’ve been looking for a therapist to help me manage my anxiety, so I’ll have to make sure they make me feel safe first. https://adriennerichardsonartist.com
My wife had a difficult childhood as an only child, and lately, she has been hit hard with a feeling of inadequacy and loneliness. I think counseling would help my wife feel empowered and hopefully help her get back to being happy. Thanks for explaining how we should find a therapist that can help you cultivate the skillset of your emotions being explored. https://www.theinnershineclinic.com.au/services/counselling/
Thanks for these tips on how to find a good therapist. It would make sense to find someone who is actively engaged with you in order to know they care. My husband and I are looking for someone to help treat our son’s ADD, so we’ll have to check how engaged they are with their patients first. https://www.progressivegrowthcoaching.com/services
Thanks for these tips on how to find a good therapist. I agree that you want to find someone who will build a relationship with you so that you feel safe. My husband and I are looking for a therapist, so we’ll have to make sure to build a good relationship with them first. https://kinibryant.com/child-sandplay-therapist
If I had to get the help of a therapist, I would for sure ask myself all of the questions you have listed here. I do think, however, that the fourth one is the most important. I’d assume that those with conflict would be resentful in sharing, as I have a feeling that I would feel that way. http://www.johngartner.com/
My sister is having a hard time keeping jobs because she’s constantly experiencing panic attacks because of her anxiety. I think she needs to see a counseling service so she can find ways on how to manage it. Thanks for saying that she should find one who listens to her so she’ll know that she can rely on their judgment to find inner peace within herself. https://www.ndcounselingforhope.com/anxiety
Thank you for your great tips on finding a therapist. I have been having trouble with my family relationships, and need to go to counseling. I will definitely utilize all of your great tips and information when looking for a counselor. https://supportiv.com/stress-relief/gaslighting-signs-situations-and-tips
My brother is facing an existential crisis of sorts that turns into depressive thoughts because he’s having trouble looking for answers on his purpose in life. I think he should talk with a Christian therapist about this since he tends to trust people who follow a similar path when it comes to faith. It’s true that his transparency of feelings with this therapist will be crucial for his recovery, so I’ll help him find one that he can really rely on. https://therapyinfaith.com
You made a great point about making sure you are comfortable with talking about problems and strengthening your bond. My husband and I are looking for a therapy service that can help our daughter since she was diagnosed with depression. We will keep these tips in mind as we search for a professional that can help us best. http://mindandheartcoaching.com/coaching-speaking/
Thanks for these tips on how to find a good therapist for your mental health needs. I agree that you want to make sure you feel safe and comfortable when you meet with them so that you know that they will be good for you. I’m looking for someone to help treat my daughter’s anxiety, so we’ll have to meet with them and make sure we both feel comfortable first. http://thecounselinggroup.net
It really helped when you mentioned it’s essential that you feel comfortable sharing your thoughts with your therapist. Last week, my sister told me she’s been feeling down lately, and she can’t focus on her job or anything. One of her friends recommended to her that she should visit a therapist to help her out. But my sister’s not so sure about it, and I think maybe after reading your piece, she’ll change her mind. I appreciate your information about how it’s critical to have a safe and trustworthy relationship with your therapist. https://exhalecounselingservices.com/services/
I like that you talked about making sure it is a comfortable environment for you. My current therapist has lots of cool toys and decorations that make the office feel much more comfortable. My last therapist had like 2 pictures on the wall and I always felt uneasy in his office. https://mindandbodyclinic.com/psychiatrist-services