What feelings come up for you when you envision yourself growing older? Maybe you romanticize finally achieving a long-term goal in your career. Or reconnecting more with your partner as your children grow more independent. Maybe you imagine living a life full of wisdom that only comes from years of navigating the world. You might even feel some trepidation about growing older. Studies have shown that over 85% of Americans have at least one fear about aging. These fears include declines in mobility, physicality, cognitive abilities, and appearance, as well as fears about finances and chronic illness. Interestingly, only 10% of Americans surveyed fear dying itself. This humorously suggesting that we would rather be dead than look or act old!
Andy Rooney famously quipped, “I didn’t get old on purpose, it just happened. If you’re lucky, it could happen to you.” So, how can we intentionally reframe our thoughts about aging? How do we reconcile the impacts of aging as we march through life while still maintaining and improving our self-worth? Let’s unpack ways to nurture a sense of self-worth, well-being, and encourage aging well.
Embrace and Accept Change
One of the most profound paradoxes of life is the idea that change is constant. The very nature of life at the core is consistent growth and adaptation, both of which are rooted in change. We encounter transitions that require us to grow and adapt at every phase of life. As children, growth can be literally painful as our bones grow rapidly. It can be emotionally painful as we navigate puberty, the first day of school, or the rupture of a friendship. As young adults, we must adjust to the working world, heartbreak, marriage, childbirth, or maybe a painful loss. Middle age and beyond are no different.
While we hit strides and milestones in many areas of life, such as experiencing peaks in our careers, attaining deeper self-awareness, or growing appreciation for long-term relationships, this stage of life brings its own set of unique challenges to self-worth as we age. Shifts in physical health and changing roles and responsibilities at work and at home can result in emotional upheaval.
Changes – whether we label them “good” or “bad” or whether they are sudden or expected – are inevitable in life. Similar to the growth and changes associated with earlier life stages, it is crucial to approach the changes inherent in middle age with resilience, adaptability, and a flexible mindset in order to age gracefully. Proactively embracing life’s changes as steadfast dimensions of the living human experience rather than resisting the process can transform dread into opportunities for empowerment, introspection, and re-evaluation, reducing feelings of regret or anxiety about the past and the future.
Practice Physical Self-Care
So, we’ve accepted change as a constant part of the deal we strike with life, but how can we maintain and increase self-worth and self-esteem as we age? Nurturing physical well-being as we move through life is crucial to aging gracefully. Prioritize regular medical check-ups to monitor your blood work, vision, dental, and overall physical health and mobility. If you do not already have one in place, collaborate with your doctor to prioritize regular movement and exercise, including strength and mobility.
Movement
Mobility and strength are essential to aging well. As our bodies age, we begin to lose access to the full range of motion without pain or compensation, which, if left unchecked, can lead to bigger issues such as inflammation, tears, strains, and further limited movement. Furthermore, we experience declines in muscle mass, bone density, and metabolism, all of which can be counterbalanced by strength training, making it essential for good physical health in middle age and beyond.
If you already exercise regularly, consider incorporating strength and mobility into your routine, and consider being proactive about ways to modify your routine to compensate for how the needs of your body will change and shift as you age. Understand that being intentional about an exercise routine that fits each stage of your life is about more than looking your best and maintaining a healthy weight. It is also about protecting and preserving your ability to move smoothly and without pain, to carry heavy grocery bags – or heavy grandchildren! – walk for miles while exploring a new city, climb to the top of a lighthouse, or crouch, lean, and squat while playing sports or doing regular household chores.
Diet
Our dietary needs also shift as we age because physical changes associated with age can affect the way our bodies use calories and absorb nutrients. You may begin to notice that you cannot just “eat whatever” like you might have been able to do in your 20s and still feel pretty much the same after meals. This is because we may need fewer calories as we age due to less daily movement and declines in muscle mass, but changes in digestion mean we also require more nutritionally dense foods to feel our best.
Older adults require more protein and fiber to maintain muscle and prevent constipation and diverticulitis. Calcium, vitamin D, and vitamin B12 are particularly essential to compensate for loss of bone density and maintain optimal digestion. Just as with all age groups, a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, fish, and lean meats can support aging gracefully, and being intentional about specific nutritional needs at each stage of life can maintain well-being, keep us active, and support self-worth as we age.
Pursue New Experiences and Connections
Emotional and mental health are every bit as important as physical health when it comes to maintaining self-esteem and self-worth as we age. Feeling well and moving well can give us access to the activities and lifestyle that support self-worth, but what we think about ourselves and our reality is paramount to aging gracefully. Studies suggest that those who believe aging leads to social devaluation, rejection, and insecurity will internalize negative views and cognitively anticipate negative outcomes, putting themselves at increased risk of declining self-esteem and self-worth in older age.
No time is more important than in middle age and beyond to remember that no age is too old to learn and grow. Personal growth and exploration are crucial to maintaining self-esteem at any age. Perhaps the children are becoming more independent or even out on their own, and retirement is looming. How will you intentionally fill the natural shifts in schedule as life progresses? Consider taking up a new hobby, cultivating a new skill, or finally pursuing a long-held interest. Continual learning is a sure-fire way to beat cognitive decline by increasing brain functioning and fostering creativity. New hobbies can also boost mental health by cultivating and strengthening social connections.
Strong social ties with people of all ages can provide camaraderie, companionship, incentive to stay active, and emotional support that can reduce feelings of loneliness or social devaluation that can impede self-esteem in older age. Since most are out of school or in a long term job in older age, it may be harder to more naturally make new friends, but being intentional about starting a book club, participating in a volunteer opportunity, or picking up a new instrument, for example, can not only boost brain power but also forge new, supportive relationships, setting you up for success in this stage of life.
Shifts in Perception and Perspective
We have accepted that change is perennial and inevitable, that mobility and nutrition are crucial, and that supporting our curiosity and strengthening friendships are necessary building blocks to look and feel good while aging gracefully. So, what holds this all together? What is the “secret sauce” to not just maintaining but improving self-worth as we age? Well, there is power in subtle shifts in self-perception.
Research shows that negative attitudinal biases can perpetuate insecurity and impede self-esteem. Therefore, consider the ways that you perceive yourself as you navigate the aging process. Self-acceptance is a powerful source of self-esteem. Self-acceptance is embracing yourself – flaws and all – without being overly critical. Imperfections make us human and unique, and self-acceptance includes kindness. Indeed, recognizing our own imperfections can be the pathway to thriving in spite of them, but only if we can view them as hurdles to navigate and not evidence of failure when compared to some idealized standard.
Similarly, self-compassion is treating yourself with gentleness and love when you make a mistake, just as you might show up for a friend in the same circumstances. If you fail to meet a goal, it can be a learning experience, helping to redirect you to more suitable goals, rather than evidence of more failure. Finally, self-worth can be an intentional choice as well. Self-worth is your own perception of your intrinsic value and significance in the world. Despite life’s changes and challenges, you can choose to focus on your strengths and achievements, recognizing that you are worthy of love, respect, and happiness at every age and stage, if only you believe it to be true.
Key to Aging Well
Consider the concept of the inner child. Inner child work focuses on healing unmet needs and emotional wounds from childhood. It replaces maladaptive beliefs rooted in childhood with more successful coping skills. Why not begin considering your future inner old person? What physical and emotional needs will she have when you meet her at each stage of older age? What can you do today to “meet her” with a smile and continue to thrive in older years? Change is inevitable, and old age is a sign of luck in life. As Mr. Rooney joked, being intentional, attentive, and accepting about our developing physical and emotional needs and how we view ourselves at each stage of life can ensure that our self-worth and self-esteem continue to thrive as we age.
Interested in exploring aging in therapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!
How do you plan to age gracefully? Join the conversation in the comments below!
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