Some people can be very hurtful with their words and actions. Mental, emotional and physical abuse is painful. Betrayal and infidelity can leave us feeling damaged and broken. Refusing to process these feelings, thoughts, and emotions trap us in a state of emotional suffering. So, how do we get past this? Do we simply get over it? Or are we expected to forgive and forget? I imagine that it takes a bit more than that! Here are 3 ways acceptance and forgiveness can end your suffering of being wronged.
Awareness of the suffering
Trying to recover from being wronged is a challenge. We all have or will have to cope with being wronged at some point in our life. Once we feel or realize that we have been violated, we enter an emotional state of suffering. The awareness of being wronged and the inability to take control of a past situation or change the outcome leaves us with emotional baggage. In this state of suffering, it is important to understand and realize the impact the situation is having on you daily. What parts of your life are suffering due to the inability to move towards acceptance and forgiveness? Perhaps you have become unable to trust; therefore, leaving you unconsciously guarded or isolated. Some people, who have been wronged, often cut friends off; sometimes, intentionally or unconsciously. Becoming aware of how the pain of being wronged by one person is impacting your relationships with others offers you control over your emotions. Healing begins once we fully understand the severity of the injury. This understanding allows the mental space to process these emotions and the ability to explore the core source of your suffering.
Acceptance of being wronged
After speaking with many people about this topic, I have developed a consensus that people think acceptance of being wronged means they approve of what has happened to them. In all cases, under this interpretation, acceptance was not an option. Let’s explore an alternative. When we accept being wronged, it does not mean that we are okay with what has happened to us. Furthermore, it does not mean that the pain associated suddenly disappears, or that we have decided to get over it. Acceptance of being wronged means that you have made a conscious decision to move past that stuck point of your life. It also means that you realize you cannot go back in time to change what has happened. Acceptance allows the mental ability to process your emotions and to validate the pain and suffering. In this process, I expect that many people will understand how the wrongdoing has impacted their life and the emotional turmoil it has placed upon them. Deciding to accept means that the situation will no longer have power over you. This will allow you to start feeling whole again and enable you to engage with others without feeling heavily guarded.
Contemplating forgiveness
Forgiveness means that you have accepted the wrongdoing and that you have made a conscious decision to forgive the person who wronged you. However, this does not mean that you approve of being wronged. When we decide to forgive someone, it means that we have come to the conclusion that our decision to forgive is for ourselves and not the offender. It takes a ton of energy and commitment to be resentful and to hold on to anger. This can make us feel bitter and develop a negative outlook on life. It can also impact our ability to trust and form healthy relationships. If we free ourselves from the suffering, we can start to heal. It is important to remember that acceptance and forgiveness is a resolution for the individual, not the offender. Although we may never forget the wrongdoing, we will no longer be trapped by the feelings, thoughts, and emotions that have been impacting our quality of life.
Read more: Forgiveness Is for You: Seven Steps to Forgiveness
What are some of the techniques you have used while exploring acceptance and forgiveness?
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4 comments
These are great tips, James. It can be so difficult to move on from being wronged and these ideas highlight how there can be more nuanced ways of dealing with it than coming around to believing it was all just okay. Another idea for working through this that comes to my mind is self-compassion. When we have been wronged by someone, it can be easy to internalize the other person’s viewpoint or to think we must have deserved it. By practicing compassion for ourselves, we can help to accept that whatever happened was not our fault and that we have every right to be upset. Thanks for this post, James!
Great topic and blog James! I personally always reflect back on the wrong doing and think about my relationship with that person. If I think that this person is worth giving a second chance, I accept the wrong doing, which is one of your tips.
Great topic James. Accepting and moving on from being wronged is often a very challenging process. However, I personally like the idea of ‘contemplating forgiveness’. This technique gives us the chance to really think about our decision and only do it for our own sake and not for the person who’s hurt us.
Thanks James for reminding me of these central life tenents! These are helpful for me not to project onto others and focus on my responsibilities as an individual!