Addiction is tough and watching a loved one struggle with an addiction can be painful to experience. Sometimes, a person struggling with addiction will show a noticeable and concerning shift in their behavior. Some examples of these changes are in their work habits and/or attendance, health, relationships, social interactions, finances, self esteem or self respect. Also, they may continue to use despite the fact the addiction is contributing to these problems and has become a problem in itself. Someone who is unwilling to talk about or consider that there is a problem is a likely indicator that a problem exists. If you have observed these behaviors in a loved one with an addiction, then addressing these concerns with that loved one can seem frightening and bring up much uncertainty. Keep reading to learn how to help someone struggling with an addiction.
The Dos of Supporting Someone in Addiction
One of the first steps in supporting a loved one with an addiction is to educate yourself about addiction. You may start to explore what addictions are, how they can affect individuals, and what types of treatments are available to them. Education is one way to gain more understanding of the problem. Understanding is an important way to show support for your loved one. Finally, there are many resources that can assist you in this process. There are some resources by reputable organizations such as the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration or SAMSHA.
Also, taking a non-judgemental stance is important. Though we do not have to agree with what a person with an addiction is doing, we want to be careful not to shame a person. Open communication and understanding is key to support as a person with an addiction can quickly shut down or hide it from others out of fear of humiliation. There are some good tips here.
The Don'ts of Support
One of my colleagues once said to me that “Addiction can thrive in silence”. So, one suggestion for a “don’t” is don’t ignore the problem. Silence about the subject can indicate to your loved one that talking about this problem is off the table. There’s no need to be an expert on this subject to still be a supportive person, but offering that support can be an important outlet to a person especially when they are seeking help and may not know where to turn.
Another suggestion for a “don’t” is don’t enable behaviors that can feed the addiction. For example, do not do anything for a person that they can and should be doing for themselves. Enabling behaviors can actually increase the shame a person with an addiction may be feeling and can contribute to the addiction in the long term. There are some podcasts available to learn more about people who have experienced this with loved ones.
Make Time For Your Own Self Care
It is most important to remember that you yourself may have a variety of emotions and needs through this process. Give yourself permission to assess and evaluate what those needs are and take time to process those emotions as needed. Often, a person in the role of supporting a person with an addiction will blame themselves or think that they are not doing enough, or believe that they themselves are failing their loved ones. This is especially true if a person goes back to using and may be struggling with their addiction without hope for recovery. Therefore, it is important to start by creating your own support system. Having your own group of friends and loved ones to talk about this, finding a support group, or a therapist are some suggestions. It is important to remember that you yourself do not need to suffer in silence, either.
The challenges of supporting a loved one with an addiction are real and important to recognize. Thankfully, there are many resources available to you and your loved one. Do any of the resources or suggestions above resonate with you? If not, is there anything not mentioned above that has worked or not worked?
Curious about exploring addiction in therapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!
How have you supported a loved one with an addiction? Join the conversation in the comments below!
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