What is the Window of Tolerance? [VIDEO]

What is the Window of Tolerance? [Transcript]

In this post, I want to introduce you to a concept called the “Window of Tolerance”.  Dr. Dan Siegel originally developed this concept.Therapists often refer to this when they are working on trauma processing with a client. When we’re processing trauma, we want to be in touch with our emotions. That said, we want to make sure that we’re in touch with them in a way that feels stable and safe and not overwhelming. The window of tolerance gives us a way to gauge where a client is and whether they are in that place where they’re able to engage with their emotions safely. And, if not, it gives us some ideas of what we might be able to do to help them to get there.

Hyperarousal

I’m going to tell you a little bit about the window of tolerance. First I want to talk about the two ways that we can be out of the window of tolerance. The first way is what we call hyperarousal. This looks like the fight-or-flight response. Your emotions are high. You might be experiencing a spike in anxiety or panic symptoms, and tend to feel overwhelmed. Hyperarousal is often at the root of trauma. This is because, when we experience something that is traumatic, we are emotionally overwhelmed. Because that memory is so charged with emotion, it’s not stored like other memories. If we are reminded of that experience, we might experience a flood of those emotions coming back. Then, we find ourselves back in that hyperarousal state.

Read more about trauma triggers

Managing hyperarousal

If a client goes into a hyperarousal state in therapy, the therapist is going to help get them grounded. There are a few different ways that this can happen. Focusing on deep breathing is one. Feeling the ground beneath your feet or focusing on the safety that you feel in the relationship with your therapist can also be a good way to get grounded. The goal is to come back to a place where you’re able to engage with those emotions in a way that’s tolerable.

Hypoarousal

The other way that we can go out of the window of tolerance is through what we call hypoarousal. If we’re thinking about our fight-flight-freeze responses, this is a freeze response. When we’re in hypoarousal, we tend to get numb or to dissociate. Dissociation is what happens when we disconnect from our feelings or another part of our experience. Sometimes in therapy, a client may be talking about a highly distressing experience, and really feel nothing at all. They may feel numb or disconnected from the emotions of that experience. And this is what we would call hypoarousal.

Managing hypoarousal

This is also a place where it’s really difficult to make much progress. You’re not connected to what you’re experiencing or the feelings about it. So, if this happens, a therapist might also do some grounding techniques. A lot of times that person is feeling disconnected from the present moment as well. So deep breathing, feeling the ground beneath your feet, feeling the safety of that relationship with the therapist. These things can sometimes help that person to get back in touch with those feelings, and out of that hypoaroused state.

You might also have your therapist help you to identify what feelings you think you would be having if you were feeling something. If you’re kind of numb or disconnected, your therapist might ask, “what do you think you’d be feeling beneath this numbness?” That can be a way of reconnecting with the emotions as well.

What is the window of tolerance?

What does the window of tolerance actually look like? It means you able to be engaged with the emotional charge of an experience in a tolerable way. So if you’re thinking of something like a trauma memory, you are able to feel the feelings associated with that memory, but not in such a way that you’re overwhelmed or that you’d end up disconnecting from it. 

One way to think of it is as if you have one foot in the present moment and you’re connected with your therapist and what’s happening right now and the other foot is in that memory. You’re able to still stay connected with that memory and all the emotions associated with it. And so what really is the marker of being in the window of tolerance is tolerance. You are able to feel the feelings associated with that distressing experience, but are also able to tolerate them. 

For people who experienced trauma, this is often a new experience. And that’s why it’s important to process something like trauma with a therapist. They have the tools to help you to be able to get in touch with that experience in a way that feels tolerable and safe.

Journaling and solo emotional processing

I want to tell you a few ways that maybe you can use this concept for yourself when you’re not in therapy. One way is if you’re doing some sort of emotional processing of your own. An example is journaling. A lot of people like to write journals to process their feelings and what’s happening in their lives. If you are journaling and you are processing something emotional, you might want to check-in with yourself. Ask yourself, “am I in touch with these emotions and are they tolerable?”

If you find yourself feeling emotionally overwhelmed, then you’re probably not having a very productive experience of processing those emotions. It’s just too much. Try to take a step back and do some breathing. See if you can get to a grounded a place where the emotions are tolerable. Or, if you’re journaling you may find that you’re disconnected from what you’re writing about. Then you might be finding yourself in more of a dissociated or hypoaroused state. If that’s the case, then you might want to take a moment to again ground yourself and see if you can reconnect to the emotional piece of whatever it is you’re working with. If whatever you’re journaling about is overwhelming and  too much for you to handle on your own, that’s totally normal. That would be a good indication to seek out therapy. Maybe you need some help in being able to process whatever it is that you’re dealing with.

Read more about the benefits of mindfulness

Interpersonal conflict

Another place that you might want to think about using the window of tolerance is in the context of interpersonal conflict. When we’re having a fight or an argument with a person who is close to us, we have the risk of going into either a hyperaroused or a hypoarousal state.

Conflict and hyperarousal

In the context of conflict, hyperarousal might look like feeling completely overwhelmed or really angry and dysregulated. This isn’t a very great place to work out in interpersonal conflict. If you’re so angry that you can’t really engage with the other person in a healthy way, then maybe you need to switch gears. Maybe, in that moment, you need to disconnect from the person that you’re in this conflict with and go do some grounding. This could mean taking a walk around the block or doing some deep breathing. Do whatever it is that will help you to get back into a calmer place so that you can talk about this conflict in a way that’s more tolerable.

Conflict and hypoarousal

On the other hand, you might also experience hypoarousal in the context of conflict. This could look like freezing up or disconnecting. You may really  not feel much of anything about the other person or the conflict that you’re having. This can be unproductive too. If the other person gets the sense that you’re not feeling much, they might think that you don’t care about the issue or them. Or, you may avoid dealing with an important issue in a relationship. If you’re in this hypoaroused state of dissociating or disconnecting, you might want to also take a little bit of a break. 

Figure out what is important 

Think about why this relationship matters to you. Why is this important? And how do you feel about this person in this situation? See if you can reconnect with what’s important to work out in this conflict. If you can find yourself back into that more tolerable place where you are emotionally engaged, but you’re not overwhelmed, then you’re in the window of tolerance. This is probably a better place to be able to work through something with that other person.

So this is just a brief introduction to the idea of the window of tolerance. If you’re in therapy, especially if you’re doing something like processing trauma, you might want to talk to your therapist about this idea. You can also keep it in mind to give yourself an idea of when you are in that window of tolerance or when you might be experiencing something like emotional overwhelm or dissociation. In these moments, you may need to switch gears with your therapist and get back in touch with the emotional content of that memory in a way that is safe and feels like you can handle it. And, of course, you can also use this concept to consider ways that you can process your emotions on your own.