I would like to start out with a story; one particularly warm spring day I was walking into a luxury high-rise building, where my therapist’s office was located. I was coming from work so I was dressed in business casual attire. I went up to the front desk and informed the employee working at the time, whom I was there to see. The employee calls my therapist, and without missing a beat says, “Yes hi, your food is here” and sends me up.
The incident left me feeling confused, embarrassed, and a bit angry. Here I was, a person of color in business casual attire, and it was immediately assumed that the only reason I was there, was to deliver food. My therapist and I spent the entire session that day talking about microaggressions and racism.
What is microaggression?
A term used by a Columbia professor Dr. Derald Sue, defined as “Brief and commonplace daily verbal, behavioral, or environmental indignities, whether intentional or not, that communicate hostile, derogatory, or negative slights and insults towards anyone that is part of a marginalized group or population”. Microaggressions are often delivered with good intentions; for instance, when a person of color hears the phrase “You speak English so well!”. However well-intentioned, these slights can be detrimental to a person’s sense of self-worth.
A potentially helpful analogy would be to think of microaggressions like mosquito bites. One or two are annoying enough, but imagine having 30, 40, or 50 every day. It goes from somewhat annoying to something that impacts the quality of life. Many are forced to confront microaggressions constantly on a daily basis.
What are some examples of microaggression?
Microaggression can take on many forms, and often times with the best of intentions. Some examples include:
- Telling a woman she should smile.
- Referring to something you don’t like as “gay”.
- Someone clutching his or her purse when a person of color walks by.
- Assuming a person of color doesn’t know English.
- The phrase “no, but where are you REALLY from?”
- An able-bodied person using a bathroom stall reserved for someone who is disabled.
- Telling someone who identifies, as bisexual that they are being “greedy” or assuming that it’s just a transitional period before becoming gay.
- Asking a trans-identified individual about their body parts.
Microaggressions are often brief and common, and because of that they are not given much attention by those who commit them, however, they could potentially have long-lasting effects.
Why are microaggressions hurtful?
Microaggressions expose the internalized prejudices that exist in all of us to some degree. They tend to be hurtful because it often reinforces negative assumptions, ideas, thoughts, and stereotypes about a group of people. These stereotypes inform our behaviors in harmful ways like telling a potential mate who happens to be African American “Sorry I don’t date black people, it’s just a preference”. The hidden message there implies that the mentioned race is “less than” in some ways and thus not a viable option as far as dating goes. This specific issue can also impact hiring practices. As microaggressions continue, they can result in trauma like symptoms for the individual. It is important to seek professional support when dealing with trauma, and finding the right therapist can seem daunting.
Read more: ‘Finding the Right Therapist’
How to avoid microaggressions?
Microaggressions tend to be brief and slight, hence why they usually go unnoticed. The truth is that the only way to avoid microaggressions is by arming yourself with knowledge about microaggressions. It is important to include some reflective work around your own internal prejudices in an effort to connect with your empathic response and minimize harmful comments or behaviors. Ultimately it is up to all of us to minimize the frequency of microaggressions through empathy, knowledge, and awareness of our own biases.
Microaggressions are unpleasant; they point out differences, stereotypes and belittle the recipient. We may be on the receiving end or we may inadvertently use microaggressions. But what’s important is that we educate ourselves to be aware that they exist and to avoid using them altogether.
Have you ever experienced microaggressions? Have you ever witnessed a microaggression take place? If so, what was that experience like for you?
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5 comments
Thanks for sharing your own personal experience of being microagressed against. This is such an important topic in this day and age and needs to be talked about more. Great job!
I deeply appreciate your blog! Microaggression is such an important issue, which is often not acknowledged. Voicing both your own experience with and knowledge about micro aggressions is such a powerful intervention in the work to undo oppression, both on the interpersonal and structural levels.
A great and very necessary topic- great blog Omar!! I appreciate the thoughtful descriptions of each.
Hey Omar, Thanks for unpacking this important topic. I think sometimes people easily dismiss these things and say that we are “being too sensitive” for not letting the small hurts go. I love the comparison to mosquito bites! A few not so bad, any more then that… yikes! In my own work I’ve been guilty of committing microaggressions with friends. Addressing them, apologizing and understanding what was hurtful to the person was eyeopening for me and helped me feel closer to my people. Well done!
Thanks so much to all for their comments. Omar, did you write the article? It was very helpful. I googled the term microaggression to find out more about it and also because I am struggling to find a way to interact with the rector of my church who is African American. I am clear that I micro-aggressed her, as did several of us in a meeting several months ago. She has withdrawn from participating in that group, even though the topic is racial healing and she is trained in this area. I am wondering if there is anything I can do now to discuss what happened at the meeting and clear the air.
An example of how clueless I am is when reading the article where it reported the receptionist’s call to the therapist’s office, I burst out laughing. My first thought was that the receptionist must not have had eyes to see if they couldn’t see the person standing in front of them was a person, not a food, or certainly not carrying any food. I was just struck at how ridiculous the situation was. It was not until I read on that I realized the aggression that unwittingly took place. I am so glad my laughter did not take place with a real person, for it would surely have been deeply hurtful.
If anyone wants to respond to my wondering about making amends with my rector, it would really help. I would like to talk to her about what took place at that meeting. I’m just wondering how to do it. I’m thinking maybe she would be willing to come and talk about the topic of microggressions with the entire group. I tend to want to deal with things more head on. I don’t want to cause even more damage than has taken place already. Any advice?
Thanks in advance.