When is it Time for Couples Counseling?

Couples grow over time, changing their relationship dynamics. This can create tension within a connection that once served as a sanctuary. When these relationship dynamics change, it’s important to come together as a couple to reconnect and commit to adapting to the change that’s occurring. However, sometimes coming together is difficult, and we get lost in how to meaningfully communicate with our partners. It’s in these moments where it may be time for couples counseling as a critical support in your relationship.

Couples counseling is often viewed as an indicator that something is wrong within the relationship. The reality is that counseling is an additional tool to use to work toward healing. We enter relationships with various backgrounds and experiences that inevitably impact the way in which we show up. Determining how to meet our partner’s needs while meaningfully letting them try to meet ours is a challenging task. Seeking guidance on this journey is a strength that can help individuals flourish no matter the outcome of the relationship. 

Crossroads – Feeling the Pressure to Make Difficult Decisions 

According to the Gottman Institute, couples often feel there are only two options when a relationship faces conflict: leave and find happiness again or stay and feel unhappy. This false narrative creates a binary that limits a couple’s ability to grow, heal, and move closer together. It also creates a lot of tension within the relationship, adding pressure to any interaction. It can also add pressure for each partner to prove their value within the relationship. Arriving at this crossroad is an indicator that something about the relationship dynamics are no longer working. Feelings of nervousness may arise in these moments. However, change and healing are always possible if folks share a desire to work through the challenges together. There does not need to be a binary of choice. Rather, couples can forge a path forward that works best for them and their relationship. 

Feeling at a crossroads can be deeply painful and fuel a feeling of helplessness. Often, it comes at a time when individuals are not experiencing the joy and rejuvenating nature of building relationships. Instead, there may be feelings of exhaustion and even frustration. This exhaustion and frustration are not inherently caused by a partner. More often, they are the result of a relational dynamic that does not reflect where the individuals are. To arrive at this crossroads is to recognize that change is needed. 

Read more about how to ask your partner to go to couples therapy.

Experiencing Tension: An Indicator it’s time for Couples Counseling

Individuals naturally change over time, which can create a shift in how partners show up to a relationship. Operating under the same relationship dynamics, partners struggle to adjust to the new versions of themselves. This struggle can create tension within the relationship, which can lead to negative thoughts about partners and the relationship itself. Experiencing this tension is a sign that the relationship may benefit from couples counseling and a renewed sense of togetherness. 

Tension can come from a number of places within a relationship. Sometimes it comes from past wounds or even current experiences of hurt and feelings of otherness. That tension can create a wedge within the relationship and contribute to a feeling of otherness that is incredibly lonely. When this happens, individuals could begin to lash out or become closed off from their partners. Recognizing this tension is a huge step in healing. It can also be a sign that partners may need assistance to find a path towards healing. Creating a path forward in a collaborative way could be most impactful in a couples counseling space. 

Deepening Your Connection

Sometimes, folks feel within themselves an intuition that seeking couples counseling could greatly benefit the relationship. This intuition does not mean that there is necessarily anything wrong with the relationship. It could be a sign that deepening the connection could help the relationship grow in the direction folks want. For example, sometimes folks have a difficult time letting go of past relationship wounds. That can prohibit them from trusting their new partners or themselves. Couples counseling can help couples understand how their current relationships can be a space of healing for past wounds without placing the entire burden of healing on partners. 

Couples counseling provides an opportunity to rebuild intimacy, navigate difficult feelings, and form a new sense of togetherness. While there is certainly a stigma associated with seeking help, partners don’t have to tackle challenges alone. Too often couples counseling is viewed as the end result of a relationship that has deteriorated over time. That’s just not the case. Couples counseling can be a space where meaningful healing can occur not just for the relationship, but for the individuals as well. 

Read more about starting couples therapy.

Are you interested in trying couples therapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!

Can you think of ways couples counseling could help you deepen your relationship? Join the conversation in the comments below!