Depression is often a misunderstood concept. Many people can identify the symptoms, such as low mood, fatigue, apathy, a sense of hopelessness, and lack of motivation. However, the underlying cause of depressive symptoms can sometimes be hard to pin down. There is a tendency to talk about it as a “chemical imbalance.” This is a view of depression as a defect in one’s brain that emerges without rhyme or reason. Evidence suggests that some people are predisposed to developing depressive symptoms due to their genetic history or other biological reasons. However, environmental factors also have a large influence on depression. One common factor in many cases of depression is suppressed emotions.
One of the most important things we learn in our environments, especially in early life, is how to handle our emotions. Many grow up in families or communities that discourage emotional expression. This often leads to habitual behaviors of suppressing strong feelings. To ‘suppress’ means to block or to numb out. Those who suffer with depression often describe this exact experience. The good news, though, is that learning to safely engage with emotions could hold the key to recovery.
Emotions are cues in our nervous system that serve to keep us safe and in connection with others. They are adaptive, meaning that we evolved to experience emotions as a means of survival. They help us to exist socially in relationship with other people. Evolutionarily, this is essential for our safety and survival as a species. Along with this, emotions bring a sense of vitality to our experience. We feel alive when we feel our emotions.
What are emotions?
Each emotion comes with instructions for how to respond to any given situation. For example, fear signals danger. This prompts us to remove ourselves from a situation or to act quickly to mitigate a potential threat. Anger signals that an injustice has occurred and needs to be corrected. Sadness signals some type of loss and the need to release and connect with someone who can offer comfort. In essence, our emotions offer us a roadmap for what is occurring for us and what we can do about it.
Why and how do we suppress emotions?
Put simply: we suppress our emotions because we experience them as painful. Often the intensity of emotional pain is not from the emotions themselves but from our associations with them. For example, say as a child you had a parent who struggled to be responsive to your emotions. Perhaps they ignored you when you cried or even became hostile. In this case, it’s likely you learned to shut down your feelings as a way of surviving in your environment. It was certainly an unconscious choice to do so. Because of this, you may now continue to suppress emotions as an adult.
Many of us may also suppress emotions due to beliefs held within the dominant culture. In Western culture, for example, we tend to view some emotions as “good” (e.g. joy, pride, excitement) and others as “bad” (e.g. sadness, anger, fear). As a result, we might attempt to disengage from emotions that we see as inappropriate.
Additionally, Western culture reflects the belief that showing emotions is a sign of weakness. Many scholars view this belief as embedded in racism and sexism. We often associate displays of emotions with people who are oppressed and therefore hold less power. Often these are people who present as feminine or those of a certain racial or ethnic background. Even though there is no scientific basis to suggest that gender, race, or ethnicity have any implications for the experience of emotions, these myths persist. As a result, our implicit bias creates a false association between these groups and certain emotions. This association perpetuates the belief that experiencing emotions is a weakness.
The effects of suppressed emotions
Some emotional suppression is necessary for our existence. Given our daily responsibilities, we cannot always process our emotions in real-time. Sometimes it can be helpful to compartmentalize feelings until we have space to deal with them. The problem, however, comes when we are unable to make such space. Without the ability to “feel our feelings,” emotions become stuck in the nervous system. They do not simply go away. And this “stuckness” can have long term effects, resulting in persistent feelings of anxiousness.
Over time, this chronic activation can cause the entire system to shut down. In this state, individuals become listless, numb, detached, and exhausted. This aligns with common experiences of depression. This is not to say that emotional suppression is the only cause for depression, but experts now believe it to be a major contributor.
Watch a video blog on common symptoms of depression
How to engage with emotions to relieve depression
Because emotional suppression can contribute to depression, the exciting truth is that emotional engagement can help you move towards healing. Perhaps you identify as someone who struggles with depression and believe it may be related to emotional suppression. If so, here are a few ways to become more engaged with your feelings:
Notice emotions in your body
Emotions are primarily a physiological experience that present in predictable patterns in our bodies. Many people, for example, describe sadness as a hollow or heavy feeling in the chest. Anger shows up for some people as heat in the head or as clenched fists. To become more emotionally engaged, start by noticing the way your emotions tend to show up in your body.
Name feelings as often as possible
After you’ve identified the physical sensations of your emotions, start to put words to them. At first, see if you can be as basic in your identifications as possible. Core feelings are anger, sadness, fear, excitement, joy, disgust, and sexual arousal. By putting these basic labels to your feelings, you avoid becoming too caught up in your own thoughts (which can actually disconnect you from your emotions).
Release suppressed emotions
As you feel the emotions inside, you can ask yourself — what does this feeling have to say? What does it want me to do? See if you can be as open as possible to whatever experience may come up for you. If the feeling is not something you feel capable of actually doing, you can allow yourself to simply imagine it.
Additionally, remember that emotions are largely physical experiences. Therefore, another way to release emotional energy is to move your body. Yoga, running, dancing, or even something like kickboxing can be a great way to use your stored up emotional energy.
Connect with someone who cares
Our emotions exist to keep us connected with other people. As you start to open yourself up to where your emotions are leading you, you might find that they lead you towards relationships. In your aim to become more emotionally engaged, you will need support. This can come from a friend, a family member, or even your therapist. It may be difficult at first. If you have experienced relational trauma in the past, it could be particularly challenging. Ultimately, though, there is such power in having others see and validate our emotions in a caring and nonjudgmental way.
Remember: depression is a multi-faceted experience. Emotional suppression is not the singular underlying cause. However, using our emotions can be a fantastic way to find deeper connection with ourselves and those around us. This connection is vital to the treatment of depression. While it can be challenging to start the process, being able to live as your full feeling self will be so worth it.
Are you experiencing symptoms of depression? The psychotherapists at myTherapyNYC can help. Book a consultation today to find out more about our psychotherapy services.
How do you engage more deeply with your emotions to relieve depression? Join the conversation in the comments below!
- The Relationship Between Suppressed Emotions and Depression - August 19, 2021
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- What is a Trauma Trigger? - April 16, 2020
3 comments
Excellent article! I appreciate the discussion of how bias plays into emotional expression. Great work Christy.
Christy, I love the way you highlight how certain emotions can be labeled “bad” socially, and how that may create self-criticism or judgement toward our feelings. Additionally, sharing how past experiences when expressing certain emotions can sometimes overshadow the emotions themselves in the present is such an important lesson to remember. Thank you for your wisdom and thoughtfulness.
Really enjoyed(don’t know is that really it), i recognized myself in much of this article and agree with everything you say. Knowing yourself, recognizing your past your triggers your feelings is a major step forward, I was nearly 50 when I started to understand the difference between anger and temper that was the road to my survival.