Let’s face it, although it’s 2019, we still
Breathe and check in with yourself
Remember to breathe. Sometimes the best way we can take care of ourselves in a moment when we are feeling triggered is to stay connected with our bodies, and one of the best ways to do that is to keep breathing and noticing our breath. Notice what emotions are coming up for you and internally name them without judgment. For example, you might say to yourself, “I’m noticing that I’m feeling humiliated, rageful, frustrated, stereotyped, etc. in this moment.” Simply acknowledging your feelings and allowing them to be present can be very powerful.
Process the experience
Process this experience with someone you trust, whether it’s a coworker, friend, your partner, or your therapist. Talking with someone else about your experience of workplace sexism can validate your experience and remind you that you’re not alone. If you have that voice in your head that says, “You’re being too sensitive. I’m sure he (or she) didn’t mean it that way,” you have a person to remind you that you’re not “crazy” and that, yes, that experience was in fact sexist and your reaction is a valid and an appropriate response to being dehumanized.
Find your allies at work
Find the people at work who you can share your experiences with. Because your coworkers are intimately familiar with the people, dynamics, and culture of your workplace, they can help by being a sounding board for you. Perhaps they have had similar experiences and you can strategize together about how to support each other. Or perhaps you can work together to address the problem structurally, whether that involves talking to HR, scheduling a meeting with your boss, or bringing in a feminist trainer for your staff.
One reason it can be hard to stand up to sexism is that it often shows up in the form of a microaggression and people are often not aware of doing anything wrong. Although they might not be intentionally causing harm, the impact of the sexist action or statement is real and valid.
Read more: What is Microaggression and How to Avoid It!
It’s never too late to address
If you find yourself replaying all the amazing and badass things you wish you’d said in the moment, but all you could manage when it happened was to stare like a deer in headlights or plaster a smile on your face, it’s okay! When we feel we are being discriminated against, even unintentionally, it can feel very jarring and unsafe in the moment and that can make it difficult to respond in real time. However, it’s not too late to stand up to sexism if you go back to the person at a later time. In fact, it can be better to take the time and space you need to process what happened, get support, then go back on your own terms to address it when you’re no longer feeling triggered.
Have a conversation
If you feel safe and supported enough, have a conversation with the person who said or did something that you experienced as sexist. Share your experience rather than accusations, because nobody can argue with what you are feeling. If the person responds by clarifying their intention (“Oh, I didn’t mean it like that! I just meant…”), you can respectfully let them know that, although you believe their intentions were good, it still had a negative impact on you. Regardless of their intention, that impact is true! No matter how they react, you can have the satisfaction of knowing that you were able to stand up to sexism in your workplace.
These are simply a few suggestions
What are some more actions you can take to stand up to sexism at your workplace?
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4 comments
Great blog, Pamela! I really appreciate the suggestion on taking the time you need to process what has happened and the idea that it is never too late to stand up to sexism. While I have not experienced sexism in the work place I do think it is important to be mindful of the people who have. I believe it is important to be supportive to those whom have been or are being targeted. Great job!
This is such a powerful and important topic and this blog post gives helpful suggestions for how to navigate a tough situation at work. I especially like the point that it is never too late to report an incident. I know for many people it can feel like the window is closed if you don’t respond right away, but it is important to remember that this is not the case. I also think, for those who feel motivated to do so, that looking into you workplace’s policies and protocols for reporting can be a good idea; that way you know what your options are, you can share the information with others, and you can advocate to improve those policies if they seem insufficient. Great blog, Pamela!
This is a great blog Pamela! Experiencing sexism at work can be a confusing and disempowering experience and this post offers many helpful suggestions. I love your suggestions for how to approach the conversation about the experience and also how seeking out allies at work can help you to feel more supported.
Thanks Pamela. An important and ever relevant topic. I appreciate the reminder of the importance of being an ally and stepping up and naming something when I see it. I intend to always be open to feedback and cognizant of the ways my privilege can result in unintentional microaggressions.