Parenting is a commitment unlike any other. Parenting can be beautiful, filled with joy, love, and gratitude, as well as emotional, physical, and spiritual enmeshment of beings. It can cause physical exhaustion, financial strain, societal pressures, and increased mental load. Parenting is an all-encompassing responsibility with little recognition or reward. The research discusses parenting with a focus on children, while the effect on parents’ mental health is rarely discussed, shared, or normalized. This blog moves the focus from children to parents, bringing awareness to the reality of parental burnout.
What is Parental Burnout?
Parental burnout is characterized by intense exhaustion related to parenting, emotional distancing from one’s children, and loss of parental identity and fulfillment. The recent COVID-19 crisis highlighted parental burnout and the need to understand this condition more thoroughly. Studies have shown that parental burnout is prevalent globally, impacting all cultures and global communities. The United States has one of the highest rates of parental burnout globally.
Burnout is different from stress; parenting stress is common and even necessary. Burnout occurs when stress severely and chronically overwhelms a parent’s ability to cope. Contrary to the notion that burnout affects all areas of life, studies have shown that someone experiencing parental burnout can function otherwise. This makes it challenging to recognize and diagnose early. Over time, if left unaddressed, it can become a systemic issue affecting overall functioning. With various symptoms that manifest differently in each individual, parental burnout is a complex condition to recognize, diagnose, and treat.
Signs and Symptoms of Parental Burnout
Burnout is a process. The onset of symptoms is gradual, and early diagnosis and intervention are essential. Parents suffering from burnout experience chronic stress related to their parental responsibilities. Some psychological warning signs may include the inability to concentrate or provide rational and sound judgment, anger, and increased irritability. Physical symptoms can include increased headaches, muscle pains, and upset stomach. Parents may experience disrupted sleep and increased anxiety, a cycle that worsens over time. More severe warning signs are when parents perceive their children as obstacles rather than beloved humans. Parents emotionally distance themselves from their children to retain energy and may say things like, “I love my children, but I can’t be around them anymore.”
To be diagnosed with parental burnout, four symptoms must be present.
- Experiencing emotional and physical exhaustion
- Chronically overwhelmed, specifically in their role as a parent
- Emotional detachment and disconnection from their children
- Unable to recognize themselves as parents or align with their parental identity.
Diagnosis is based on a clinical interview and formal diagnostic assessments such as the Parental Burnout Assessment (PBA), a multicultural tool available internationally. Diagnosis helps parents explain, share, and normalize their experiences, alleviating the associated feelings of guilt and shame.
Multicultural Identities at Risk of Burnout
Research shows that various factors can influence the vulnerability to parental burnout. Parents have certain risk factors (that make them more susceptible to developing the condition) and also have access to resources in support. When the risks and the resources are chronically unbalanced, this can lead to parental burnout. Therefore, specific populations may be more vulnerable to parental burnout.
Parents from individualistic cultures (typically Western cultures) value perfectionism, competition, and performance, all of which increase stress, all while having fewer resources in support from their parents or extended families.
Parents already managing multiple stressors can have a lower tolerance to additional stress. This includes parents with mental health conditions, parents with special needs children, immigrant parents, single parents, etc. These populations manage higher risk factors in parenting and must ensure their resources sustain the balance.
Parents who, on top of individual risk factors, also experience systemic oppression can be further vulnerable to parental burnout. Research shows that parents of color experience higher risk levels as they are less likely to have economic security and social or societal support available to them. Parents who have to navigate an inflexible work environment and short maternity leaves are more vulnerable to developing burnout.
Read more about navigating parenting with demanding work environments.
Coping with Parental Burnout
Parental burnout is a condition that requires care and support. Here are some ways that individuals can cope and relieve symptoms:
Self-care
Self-care is often synonymous with being selfish in parents. However, parents who prioritize self-care experience better physical and mental health and navigate stress more efficiently. Self-care should not be optional or an addition to a long to-do list but rather a core parenting component. Self-care looks different for each individual. Whether connecting with friends, going for a walk, or spending time alone (even in the bathroom if need be), getting to know one’s version of self-care is essential.
Self-compassion
Practicing self-compassion is a crucial form of self-care. Self-compassion conquers the internal self-critic and allows parents to let go of the notion of perfectionism. Eliminating the word ‘should’ and not adhering to strict schedules and routines can make space for more positive, authentic interactions and connections with children.
Grow your Parenting Skills
Parents experiencing burnout feel incompetent in their role. Therefore, growing parenting skills and toolbox can result in confidence and efficacy. This can include reading books, attending seminars, or even signing up for parenting workshops. It is crucial that the method does not lead to further shaming but instead fosters a growth mindset.
Grow Support System
Building a solid support system is vital to parenting. Sharing the physical and mental load and asking for help can relieve symptoms. Normalizing the experience by sharing with others can quieten the self-criticism that depletes one’s emotional energy. Joining parenting support groups, reaching out to family, and connecting with friends are all ways to build a solid foundation to feel supported.
Find Meaning
Reconnect with your values. Recollect activities or roles that previously gave you meaning and purpose and incorporate them into your role as a parent. Additionally, incorporate these activities into your self-care routine as a resource to help exhaustion and stress. Share these values with your children.
Seek Psychotherapy
Psychotherapy can help with all these areas. Psychotherapy can enhance self-care, foster positive thinking with self-compassion by addressing any shame, enhance parenting skills, grow your support system, and help facilitate meaningful activities aligned with your values. Sharing with a therapist in a non-judgmental, unbiased space can help parents connect emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually with themselves and their children.
Read more about how to be a good enough parent.
Parental burnout is prevalent globally across all cultures and communities. Parents are more vulnerable to this condition due to increasing risk factors and societal stressors. It is essential to seek help. Seeking psychotherapy can help identify symptoms and restore identity, fulfillment, and meaningfulness to the role of being a parent.
Are you interested in exploring parental burnout in therapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!
What is your favorite form of self-care as a parent? Join the conversation in the comments below!
- Understanding Parental Burnout: Effective Coping Strategies - January 16, 2025
- Understanding Postpartum Depression - August 29, 2024
- Why Am I So Angry? - November 14, 2023
