Coming out and living life fearlessly and joyfully is rarely just one step. Typically, it’s a process involving many bold steps and a commitment to living a liberated life. While the process of coming out is liberating, it is not a one-way ticket to a happy life. Many LGBTQ people stay in unsatisfying relationships and jobs, engage in self-destructive behavior and surround themselves with family or friends who are toxic. Think back to why you came out in the first place. I’m sure there are many reasons, but at the core was probably the deep desire to be free and happy. You’ve risked rejection from friends and family, potential loss of jobs or housing and the real threat of physical/emotional violence because it was that important to you to live an authentic and joyful life.
After being brave and coming out, why would you settle for being unfulfilled in any part of your life? What’s getting in the way of you being just as bold in the rest of your life? You’ve worked too hard to settle for a life of being just content or even worse, miserable. You deserve more! What are you willing to do to have more? What fears are you ready to push through? What risks are you willing to take?
Whether you came out 20 years ago or yesterday, today you can start building a balanced and truly fulfilling life. I’m not saying it will be easy, but you have been bold and brave before and you can do it again. Change is daunting, but even small moves tend to create waves of bigger change. Here are a few steps to help you get started.
1. Spend some time creating a vision for your life. Let yourself fantasize about your ideal life. Try not to put parameters around it. Just let yourself dream about the life you would live if you had no fear. Spend some time journaling about it. Cut out pictures or quotes that inspire you. Create a vision board full of future goals. Gain clarity about what your passions are and how you want to feel on a daily basis.
2. Take a look at your life from a distance and see what stands out. Imagine you are an eagle flying 500 feet above you looking down at your life. What do you see? Step out of your own way of seeing your life and imagine it from someone or something else’s perspective. You’ll be surprised what you see if you really let yourself look at your life through new eyes.
3. Identify areas of your life where you feel satisfied and happy as well as places that are lacking or causing you discomfort. Try to be as objective as possible. Make a list of all the things you enjoy in your life. Include relationships, activities, work, where you live, etc… Now do the same for all the things that are lacking or causing you distress. Think about your spiritual life, your health, your connection to community, etc…
4. Prioritize what is most important for you to improve right now. Look at your lists and pick one place to start. You can start with the one that is causing you the most stress or the one that you think will be easiest to change. You can pick anything, just pick and get started.
5. Take the easiest steps first. Once you’ve decided what you want to improve, ask yourself “What would be the easiest move I could make here that would get the ball rolling?” We often want to fix everything right away and then get overwhelmed. Start small. Do something easy that creates a little change. Just start moving and doing something new. You’ll be surprised how satisfying and motivating that can be.
6. Identify a stretch goal. Once you’ve identified a few easier steps to get the process rolling it is also great to set a stretch goal. This is something extreme that seems out of our reach, but would be super exciting if we achieved it. Make it a challenge and set a date by which you’d love to achieve that goal.
- More Than Out: How to Live a Joyful and Fulfilling Life After Coming Out - February 23, 2015
