Is perfectionism an issue for you? Are you struggling with the idea that you must do everything perfectly? If you do it perfectly then you will be happy and so will those around you? The pressure to be perfect can be unbearable and cause us to feel anxious, stressed, disappointed, and even angry.
It causes us to constantly strive for some ideal that is unattainable. Perfectionism can be paralyzing. It delays our joy and happiness because we are constantly looking at what is missing instead of focusing on what is present. Something is always missing in the quest to be perfect.
What is perfectionism? Perfectionism is a self-destructive belief system that starts with the thought “Will I ever be good enough?” It is a defensive mode that wants you to do things perfectly in order to avoid feeling shame and judgment. It is about trying to earn approval through our performance because we think, “we are what we accomplish.” It is about hiding our flaws, managing perceptions, and trying to win over others because we are worried about what people will think of us.
Perfectionism comes from our culture of scarcity and leads to shame, doubt and fear. It is not about striving for excellence or self-improvement. Perfectionism is really a shield we use in an attempt to protect ourselves. Perfectionism is usually correlated with depression, anxiety, and addiction.
Below are steps you can take to let go of being perfect:
1. Stop worrying about what people think of you.
It is impossible to control what others think of us. People have their own set of beliefs, experiences, judgments and perceptions that have nothing to do with your inherent value and worth. Worrying about what others think only leads to comparison. Trust yourself and your process.
2. Practice self-compassion
Begin your day with an open heart for yourself. You are doing the best that you can. According to Dr. Kristin Neff self–compassion has three components:
Self-kindness – Stop criticizing yourself and be understanding and sensitive to your struggles
Common Humanity – We all share in this idea on inadequacy. It is part of being human. You are not alone.
Mindfulness – Take a balanced emotional approach to your experiences. Be careful to avoid exaggeration of your emotions. Be aware of the negative self-talk and avoid over-identifying with it.
3. Set realistic expectations
Set yourself up for success by being honest with yourself. Set goals that are manageable and achievable. You don’t have to be Wonder Woman or Superman. Set goals that inspire you and realize mistakes are part of the learning process.
4. Connect with others and share your story
This requires that you be willing to be courageous and vulnerable by letting others see you for who you really are. Connect with those people that have earned the right to hear your story and share authentically what is going on with you. Tell them about your fears and doubt. Share with them what brings you shame so that you release it from your mind. There is power in connecting.
5. Acknowledge your greatness
Remember to take time everyday to acknowledge what you are doing well. When negative self-talk comes up, remind yourself that you are enough. Appreciate what is great about you. Smile at yourself and see all the amazing things that those around you see. Take time to enjoy who you are, because there must be a group of people in your life who believe in you and see how truly special you really are.
This information was adapted from Brene Brown’s Daring Greatly.
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