Are you someone who is often feeling unhappy with how you look, ashamed about parts of your physique, or trying the latest fad diet? For many of us, our bodies are a frequent source of frustration, inadequacy or guilt. Shame, a toxic emotion which Miriam Webster defines as “a painful emotion caused by consciousness of guilt, shortcoming, or impropriety,” is at the root of many people’s negative or unhelpful relationships to their bodies. Feeling ashamed of one’s body is often the first step in a series of difficulties including body dysmorphia, self-loathing, and disordered eating patterns.
Body shame may have several different causes. As children, we may have felt inadequate in our athletic abilities, ashamed of our sexual desires, or chastised for not “looking good enough”; we then develop a way of relating to our bodies based on shame. As adults, we may be in social or professional environments where we are susceptible to distorted messages in the media or society at large about bodily perfection. Our bodies may also be a natural home for insecurities in other aspects of our lives; it may be easier to feel bad about our body than to face shortcomings at home, at work or in relationships.
What can be done to move beyond body shame? The key is to first recognize negative body self-talk, and then cultivate a compassionate, loving relationship with your body in its place. The next time you find yourself thinking about your body, ask the question: what kind of thoughts am I having about myself? Am I feeling ashamed or guilty about the way I look? Simply recognizing these shame-based thoughts will help you feel more grounded and secure. Over time, begin to develop a different way of thinking and relating to your body. In what ways does my body feel good? What activities give me pleasure in my body? As your body becomes the conduit of good experiences and positive feelings, the shame that has lived there will slowly melt away.
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