The holiday season is often portrayed as a time of joy, celebration, and togetherness. However, for those who are grieving, it can bring a mix of pain, longing, and emotional exhaustion. After experiencing my own recent loss, I’ve found myself reflecting on how grief seems to echo louder during this time of year. Whether it’s the absence of a loved one, the reminder of how life has changed, or simply the pressure to “feel festive,” grief during the holidays can feel especially complicated. This blog explores what grief can look like during the holiday season, normalizes the emotions that arise, and offers gentle, practical ways to navigate grief during the holidays.
Understanding Grief During the Holidays
Grief is not just sadness; it affects us emotionally, physically, and mentally. During the holidays, grief often intensifies because of traditions, anniversaries, routines, and expectations tied to memories of the past. You may notice waves of sadness, irritability, exhaustion, difficulty concentrating, or even moments of emotional numbness.
Read more about the purpose of grief.
Grief does not follow a linear timeline, and it can resurface in unexpected ways. The holidays don’t create grief, but they often magnify what is already present. Understanding this can help normalize your experience and reduce self-judgment when emotions feel heavier than expected.
Challenging the Myth of “Holiday Cheer”
There is a strong cultural narrative that the holidays should be joyful and full of gratitude. This expectation can create pressure to appear happy even when you are hurting. When your internal experience doesn’t match what you see around you, it can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, or isolation.
Part of coping with grief during the holidays involves challenging this myth. It is okay not to feel festive. It is okay to say no, leave early, or modify traditions. Giving yourself permission to experience the holidays as they truly feel, rather than how they are “supposed” to feel, is a powerful act of self-compassion.
Finding Meaning and Connection in New Ways
For many people, the holidays highlight what has been lost. Traditions may feel painful, incomplete, or no longer possible, and familiar rituals can bring up grief in unexpected ways. Rather than forcing yourself to recreate the past, it may be more supportive to gently explore new ways of connecting and finding meaning during this season.
Spending time with family and friends who are patient, understanding, and emotionally safe can be deeply healing. Being around people who allow you to show up as you are, without pressure to be cheerful or “okay, can help reduce feelings of isolation. Even quiet connection, shared silence, or shortened visits can offer comfort when grief feels heavy.
It’s also common for guilt to arise when moments of joy appear. You may find yourself laughing, enjoying a conversation, or feeling brief relief, followed by guilt for experiencing something positive. This response is a natural part of grief. Joy and sadness are not opposites; they can coexist. Allowing moments of connection or warmth does not minimize your loss or the love you continue to carry.
Finding meaning may look different now, and that’s okay. It might involve modifying traditions, creating new rituals to honor a loved one, volunteering, or allowing yourself to simplify the season. There are many ways to grieve, and these ways can change over time. Meaning isn’t about “moving on,” but about making space for grief while also allowing moments of connection when they feel available.
Coping Strategies for Grieving Hearts
When grief feels overwhelming, grounding techniques can help bring you back to the present moment. Gentle practices such as deep breathing, placing your feet firmly on the floor, or focusing on sensory details can help regulate intense emotions.
It’s also important to allow yourself to feel what comes up and allow your emotions to flow naturally. Crying is just one of our body’s ways of letting this happen. Sometimes letting yourself cry can be deeply healing. Crying allows emotions to move through rather than remain suppressed, helping you connect with the loss in a healthy and honest way. Holding in grief often intensifies distress, while allowing space for it can bring relief over time.
Other supportive strategies include journaling, lowering expectations, prioritizing rest, and seeking professional support. Therapy can be a valuable space for coping with grief, especially during emotionally charged seasons like the holidays.
How to Help Grieving Loved Ones
If someone you care about is grieving, your presence matters more than having the right words. Avoid minimizing their pain or pushing them to feel better. Instead, acknowledge their loss, offer flexibility, and allow them to set the pace.
Simple gestures like checking in, listening without fixing, or offering patience when plans change can be incredibly meaningful. Supporting someone through grief means allowing space for their experience, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Grief during the holidays can feel heavy, isolating, and emotionally complex, especially when the world around you seems focused on celebration. If you are grieving, know that your experience is valid, and your emotions make sense. There are many ways to grieve, and none of them are wrong. By offering yourself compassion, adjusting expectations, and allowing space for both pain and connection, it is possible to move through this season with gentleness and care. As you navigate this time, consider asking yourself: What would it look like to meet myself with kindness this holiday season, exactly where I am?
Do you want to explore grief in therapy? Reach out to myTherapyNYC to find out which of our therapists would be a good fit for you!
What are practices you have found helpful in coping with grief? Join the conversation in the comments below!
- Grief During the Holidays: How to Navigate Grief in a Season of Joy - December 25, 2025
- Behind the Smile: Navigating High Functioning Depression - October 17, 2024
- The Weight of Self-Image: Anxiety, Depression, and Body Image - June 6, 2024
1 comment
Thank you for this excellent post, Ashley! Grief can be so complicated and challenging at any time, but it can feel all the more so when compounded with the stresses and obligations of the holidays. I also really appreciated your mentioning the guilt that can accompany grief when positive feelings and enjoyment arise. Thank you!