We have all been in a situation where we want to give a friend, a colleague or a partner constructive criticism but feel uneasy confronting them. What if they reject or dismiss it? What if they view it as an attack? What if it comes out all wrong and we end up arguing? These are common thoughts when it comes to giving constructive criticism, but it is important to remember that positive change will only occur if you communicate your thoughts and needs appropriately.
Sharing feedback affects many aspects of life, whether it’s at work or in personal relationships. If someone’s behavior is negatively affecting you, you should be confident in approaching that person with the goal of improving the situation. This blog will give you tools to remember when providing constructive criticism.
1. Begin and end with something positive: This is often called the “Sandwich” approach. If you begin with a strength, the person will be more likely to listen rather than becoming immediately defensive. Now that you have their attention, you can give your criticism. To wrap up the conversation, remember to reinforce why changing that behavior can lead to something positive.
2. Be Specific: Make sure they are clear about the exact behavior that is being discussed and needs improvement. Focus on objective points that are difficult to dispute rather than subjective feelings. Approach the person with specific examples that are broken down point by point instead of presenting too much at once.
3. Be Respectful: Share how this behavior has negatively affected you by using “I Statements” and by avoiding personal attacks. Stay focused on the situation, not the person. Put yourself in their shoes and reflect on how you would like to be spoken to if it were reversed. Stay focused on realistic improvements instead of focusing on things that are out of their control.
4. Give Recommendations for Improvement: If the goal is to improve a situation or behavior, present some options for them to work on. Don’t just dump negative thoughts on someone without helping to brainstorm ways to fix the problem!
Read more about how to be a supportive friend.
Remember that giving feedback can be emotional for both parties. If you remember these helpful tools, you’ll be more likely to see a successful outcome.
What are other ways you remember to stay “constructive” when you critique a partner, friend, or colleague? Please share in the comments section below.
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2 comments
Great tips! I also try to remember, even though it’s hard sometimes, to not make assumptions about other people’s behavior. Using just the facts in your criticism and “sandwiching” those facts between two positive things could lead to real and positive change. If the person thinks you are making incorrect assumptions they might not hear your constructive criticism in the right way.
Thanks Nikki! One thing I (try) to do is reflect on why the other person’s behavior is bothering me. I often find that what I judge most harshly in others is what I judge most in myself “(my mantra: “if you spot it, you’ve got it”), and this practice usually softens me and helps me feel more connected to the other person in the moment. Thanks for concrete tips to help me with the next steps…