Trauma impacts the trajectory of our lives in a number of ways. One often overlooked effect of trauma is how it can change the ways we attach to and engage with others.
Our early relationships are the foundation for our relationship patterns later in life. The system that impacts our attachment behaviors develops in the first three years of life. This determines how we learn to relate, engage, and attach to others. Having a primary caregiver who teaches us that we are seen, loved, and that our needs will be met sets the stage for our future relationships. Patterns that develop early on often show up in relationships throughout our lives. When we learn that we can safely rely on others for our needs, we develop a secure attachment style.
Watch: Using Your Attachment Style to Recognize Patterns in Relationships
However, it is not just our early relationships that influence our attachment styles. Through years of research, we have learned that attachment styles can change depending on life circumstances. Trauma often plays a role in shifting attachment styles in adulthood. This blog provides details on how early attachment styles form, and how they change with experience. It also takes a look at mediating factors when it comes to trauma and attachment.
Trauma’s impact on attachment
In childhood
There are many types of trauma that can impact the development and trajectory of one’s attachment style. Childhood trauma often has a significant impact on the child’s development of attachment, especially traumas that stem from caregiver relationships. This includes maltreatment and inconsistent or inadequate caregiving. Environmental trauma, such as a chaotic household or poverty, can also impact how attachment styles unfold in the developing child. These experiences in early relationships can lead children to learn that their needs will not be met. This will result in developing an insecure style of attachment.
It is important to understand that indirect trauma can also impact the development of attachment styles in children. This can look like the untreated trauma of a parent, which often impacts the functionality of a family system and can be passed down to children. This phenomenon is known as intergenerational trauma. Additionally, having a parent with insecure attachment not only has the potential to contribute to childhood anxiety but can lead to difficulty in emotion regulation that is often the product of insecure attachment.
In adulthood
When we think of trauma, what often comes to mind are life-altering experiences, such as surviving a natural disaster, the death of a parent, or being assaulted. While these certainly are significant traumas, it is important to recognize other traumatic experiences that can also impact our futures. Relational trauma has significant potential to impact our attachment styles. Experiences such as bullying or an emotionally or physically abusive relationship can be sources of relational trauma that can trigger shifts in our attachment behavior system.
Growing up with secure attachment does not necessarily mean that one may not shift to an insecure style due to traumatic experiences. Of course, that also means that just because someone initially develops an insecure attachment style in childhood that they are destined to a life of insecurity in their relationships.
Read more: What is a Trauma Trigger
Mitigating the risks
While our early childhood relationships play a crucial role in which attachment styles we develop, their ability to change brings hope for those who did not have ideal early attachments. A relationship with a securely-attached person in adulthood, whether a close friend, an intimate partner, or with a therapist, can help those with insecure attachment become more secure. These relationships provide a stable environment to share anxious and insecure feelings and to learn that it is safe to attach to this person in a way that provides both security and freedom at the same time.
Secure attachment and trauma
With all we have learned about the flexibility of attachment styles, there is good news for those with secure attachment styles that experience trauma. Secure attachment can help mitigate the long-term impacts of trauma, as those who are securely attached tend to experience the best long-term outcomes from trauma.
However there are many aspects of our lives aside from attachment style that impact long-term effects of trauma, such as having a strong support system, our existing coping skills, and access to therapy, that can be just as impactful as attachment style on recovery from traumatic events.
So what does all of this mean? Trauma has the potential to shift our attachment style. But it’s not just traumatic experiences that can change the way we attach to others. Those with insecure attachment who enter into secure relationships as adults can learn to become securely attached, too.
Have you experienced trauma?
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Have you struggled with attachment issues after trauma? What experiences have you had around shifts in attachment styles? Join the conversation in the comments below.
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2 comments
This blog post is packed with so much useful information about trauma and how it impacts our relationships. As a therapist, I see how so many survivors of trauma feel a great deal of guilt and shame for how their attachment style can show up with significant others. This blog does a great job of making sense of how our early experiences can impact our relationships and also how we can begin to heal. The point that secure attachment is something we can obtain through experience offers the hope that I know a lot of people need to hear. Thanks for sharing this knowledge, Ashley!
Trauma is so complex and this blog really broke it down into digestible information that is helpful to understand. When we think about attachment, it is common to think about childhood and what our parents “may have done wrong” (or right). I really appreciate how you incorporated how our attachment can shift in adulthood given our experiences as well. I agree with Weston, to hear that secure attachment is something we can obtain through experience is comforting. Thanks Ashley!