Dating and looking for a relationship can be a difficult and daunting experience. The nature of dating sites and apps promise you will find the partner of your dreams and make it seem simple. But the truth about the search is that most of us are not taught how to seek out the relationship we want. We end up waiting for luck or chance to find that special person.
Here are three steps to finding a relationship that you want. To get the most out of this exercise, be sure to write out the answers to the questions in each step.
- Identify the type of relationship you want to create. It’s important to have a clear and specific idea of what it is that you are looking for in a relationship. Without a vision, you will get distracted. What are the qualities of the relationship you want to be in? Do you want to be in a loving, committed and joyful relationship? What exactly would that look like? What are the things you and your partner would be doing in the relationship? How would you feel in the relationship? What would you think about your relationship?
- Identify the type of mate you want to attract. This step is pretty easy for most people because we know what we are looking for in a partner. Be specific and make a list of the top ten qualities/values that you are looking for in a partner. Once you have the list, distinguish between what is a want and what is a need. A want is something that is negotiable and a need is something that is non-negotiable.
- Identify who you want to be in the relationship. This is probably the most important step. Often times we look at the other person and forget to look at how we show up in the relationship. For this step, identify the type of partner that you want to be. What qualities and values would you personify in the relationship? What type of partner do you want to be? What would you need to change in order for you to be these things?
Once you have written all of this out and developed a clear picture of the relationship you want to create, you will have a guide to support you on the journey. Remember to have fun with the process too. One idea is to cut out pictures to go along with the vision you have written and make a vision board. Keep all of this fresh in your mind by looking at it daily. It will be a helpful tool for describing to others what it is you are looking for in a relationship.
And most importantly – enjoy dating and create the love that you want!
What are some of the strategies you use in dating and finding a relationship? Please share in the comments section below.
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5 comments
I like the idea of making a list of qualities you want in a partner, however I also think it’s critical to make sure this list is realistic. Remember that nobody is perfect, so don’t immediately rule someone out because they don’t embody ALL of the traits on your list. Try to prioritize so you know what you can be flexible on and what you refuse to budge on.
This is a great post. More conscious coupling = less need for “conscious uncoupling”! 🙂
I especially love the last step! I think we tend to forget to ask what we expect from ourselves within a relationship and mostly focus on what we expect from our partner.
Great post!
Great post! I think first step is so important. With dating apps it can seem appealing to be “found” or to look for a good match. Thinking ahead intentionally to identify the kind of relationship seems to support getting clearer about who you are looking for.
These are good ideas.
In my book, by Brenda A. Lewis,LCSW
The ABC’s of Dating:A Guide to Love and Dating for the Openhearted
available on Amazon, I go into details and stategies about mindful,fun dating